Saturday, January 16, 2010

Warning Labels

For some reason at breakfast this morning, two stories involving my dad came up. My dad is a highly entertaining person because he is very enthusiastic in both storytelling and conversation. He becomes verbally and physically engaged and is quite animated. The first story is known as "YOU COULD DIE!!!!!!!". My husband, who was a bit of a sheltered lad, had never been skiing until he entered our fold. Skiing was a big thing with my family. Before we were married we took a family ski trip to Tahoe. My dad, emphatically warning a novice Dave as to the numerous perils of this inherently dangerous sport, ended his dissertation with, and I quote, "PANCHO (nickname....will explain later), YOU COULD DIE!!!!!!!" Dave, who's about to be sent rocketing down a mountainside, looked as if he would sooner shimmy up the nearest tree and start crying for his mommy. He obviously did not die as he exercised extreme caution after my dad scared the shit out of him.

The other story is known simply as "Kaboom". We had some friends from Colorado visiting up at the cottage. Being from a landlocked state these friends weren't all that familiar with our strange, seafaring ways. Before departing on a boat outing, my dad flipped on the blower. When my friend inquired as to why that was necessary, dad started out calmly explaining that there can be gas fumes built up in the engine and that you need to blow 'em out (and this is where his eyes start to get bigger and his face starts turning red and his voice gets louder) because if you don't do that (throws his arms up in the air)........."KABOOOOOM". My friend looked like Dave did on the ski slope. Entirely unsure as to the wisdom of venturing further. We just started laughing our asses off because having spent 40 odd summers on a lake, we have never, ever seen a boat explode. Yep, just sittin' on the porch enjoying a lovely gin and tonic when a deafening explosion rips across the water. Flames shooting out all over the place, people screaming and crying. No one bothers to look up. Hmmm. "Well, hon.....there goes another one". Kaboom my ass. Dad's not one to let the truth get in the way of an entertaining tale.

I could go further and attempt to tell you the "Snake Story" but it involves far too many visuals and would require either a video camera or a far more gifted wordsmith than myself. We'll save that one for when they give me my show. Oh wait.......I don't think the FCC would allow that. Somethin' about swearing and nip slips. 'Cause you KNOW that would happen.

(c) 2010
Copyright (c) by Mollie Christie, 2010 all rights reserved.

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