Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Tooth F*&%'nAIRY

I am prone to occasional fits of sleeplessness. I'm prone to all kinds of occasional fits, actually. Fits of drunkenness, fits of high spiritedness, fits of questionable judgement, etc. That's just the kinda gal I am. The sleeplessness thing has been considerably better lately but tonight has been one of those nights where you give it your all as far as getting back to sleep but it becomes apparent at some point that it's simply not going to happen. Instead of just laying there contemplating the day to come, I'd rather just get up and get at it. There's lots of relatively quiet things that can be accomplished while the rest of the house is sweetly dreaming. So I'm up. And how this is relevant to the story will become apparent. Jack came home from school yesterday with a loose tooth. He's pulling on it, twisting it, complaining about it and SHOWING me every step of the way. Frankly it was pretty sick. Me: "Excuse me, but I REALLY don't need to see that. Let me know when it's over". Jack: "FINE". A little while later I'm working at the computer and he comes up and produces the tooth and shows me the gaping bloody hole where it used to be. Again, eeewww. Me: "Stick some paper towel  in that thing". Jack: "FINE". So that drama passes. As I'm making dinner, he comes up to me and says, "Gee mom, I sure hope the TOOTH FAIRY comes tonight" and gives me the exaggerated "wink, wink, nudge, nudge" look. He knows damn well there is no Tooth Fairy. He's TEN. He's just trying to extort money from me. I'm busy so I give him the equally exaggerated double thumbs up. Fast forward to bedtime. Jack: "I sure will be disappointed if the TOOTH FAIRY doesn't leave me some money for this TOOTH I am about to put UNDER MY PILLOW". Oh, for fuck's sake. I didn't actually say that but I was thinking it. Me: "Just give me the damn tooth. I don't have any cash. I'll get some and give it to you tomorrow." Scammer. So, I take the tooth and as I'm headed to bed myself I put it on my nightstand. Fall asleep, zzzzzzzzz, wake up at 3 am. Mess around on my phone, (read email, check facebook, etc.) try to fall back to sleep and fail (obviously). Decide "screw it" and get out of bed. Actually think about taking thyroid medication as you have to take it awhile before you eat anything and figure I'd get that out of the way. Fumble around in nightstand drawer in the dark. Produce bottle. Extract pill. Drop pill on nightstand. Grabbed what appeared to be small white object, pop it in my mouth and just as it's going down my throat it occurred to me. SHIT. The tooth. I'm frantically feeling around trying to find both the light AND whatever it was that remained on my nightstand. Feel tiny object. THANK GOD. It's the tooth. Situation averted. "Tooth Fairy" my ass. That'll be enough of that. 

(c) 2010
Copyright (c) by Mollie Christie, 2010 all rights reserved.

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