Friday, January 8, 2010

Shit I "Get" To Do

Having recently enjoyed some three weeks off from school, my child has now decided that he hates the state of Colorado's mandate (insistence, really,) that he attend the fourth grade. "Mom, I don't wanna go". Hmmmm. Let's see. I'm not sure what he thinks it is that I'M doing all day but I'd say 75% of it is stuff that I don't "wanna" do. I think many people labor under the impression that the life of the "stay-at-home-mom" is one of leisure. You know, bon-bons and shit. Yes, you know, I really am quite looking forward to laying on the couch all day watching steamy soap operas and eating a box of chocolates. I'll pull it together around 3:15 and get dressed and wave a dust rag around to make it look like I run a tight ship. Maybe dust myself with some flour and look fatigued so that my husband and son feel bad about my hardscrabble existence. Oh wait. That's not my life AT ALL!!!!! Here's what I, one of the privileged few, get to do today..........

1. I get to go to the grocery store. Now that's glamorous.
2. I get to fold laundry. Other people's underpants. Nice. You learn a great deal about their grooming habits though. Or lack thereof.
3. I get to scrub toilets! With my new cleaning initiative, Friday is toilet scrubbing today. The same people with the underpants use those toilets. Yay.
4. I get to figure out what I'm bringing for PTA snacks next week. Joy.
5. I get to research shrinks as the general consensus is that I am may in fact be going crazy. Well, duh.
6. I get to try to sniff out where the hamster carcass is hiding.
7. I get to enjoy all of the wrong that is coming out of Grady's rear-end.
8. I get to purchase basketball shoes for Jack.
9. I get to figure out how the weekend is going to be pulled off, as Dave played not just last night but has gigs tonight and tomorrow as well. This means single-parenting! Again, with the yay! 'Cause you know, I'm kind of a quiet woman that likes to stay at home. I don't have much use for all of this partying and carrying on that some people do on the's not very Christ-like. Shit, even Jesus drank wine.
10. I will reserve the tenth space of the "things I 'get' to do" list for the completely unexpected bullshit that inevitably pops up on any given day. Escaped dog, collapsing sink, much needed object left at home when it was supposed to go to school, etc. Number ten should be reserved for "shit that just happens".

Lest I be thought to be bitching about my cushy life, (which I AM.....I totally am) I will also so say that I get to go to Pilates. I get to have long talks with the amazing people that have come into my life and frankly, I get to have more than my share of fun. I also get to take a nice long walk every day. My day, no matter how challenging, is of my own making. And I'm appreciative for the people and the forces in the universe that have allowed this to be my lot in life. I'm a very grateful girl. What I want to point out to Jack, however, is that life is not all shits and giggles. There are things, every day, no matter who we are that we HAVE to do, whether we want to or not be damned. Shit, I just looked at my calendar and I've got an OBGYN appointment coming up. Really looking forward to that one, lemme tell ya. I'd much rather sit through a day at fourth grade than hop into THOSE stirrups. That whole experience is just all kinds of rude and I dread it every year. But that's life. Sometimes you 'get' to ride the pony and sometimes that pony rides you.  Yee-haw.

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