Freakin' Moo

Things I learned at the National Western Stock Show in Denver last night:

1) Cows are really freakin' big.

2) Livestock is really freakin' stinky.

3) Cowboys are really freakin' hot. Sorry Dave. But 'tis true. They ride freakin' horses. And BULLS.

I was actually aware of #3. Shhhh. Why do you think I bought the tickets? This is a yearly event that draws ranchers and others involved in the livestock business from all over the region. It's a really big deal. The main draw for us is the bull riding (tough guys!) but we usually end up walking around the show itself which is kind of like walking through the looking glass for someone like me. I'm from kind of a pink and green world. There were no cowboys in the upper midwest. At least not real ones. One of my dad's friends had a denim cowboy hat and matching leisure suit in the 70's but I'm pretty sure that real cowboys didn't wear leisure suits, even back then. What do I know though? Anyway, despite perceptions that it is a "cow town", Denver is actually pretty cool. Somewhat hip, even. You're more likely to see urban hipsters than cowboys meandering down the street despite the city's location and rich western heritage. The only notable exception is during the stock show. I do believe they send cows through town, leaving it littered with cow patties which is why I stay away. Cows make big ass poops. My point is that even though I live "out west" and in Denver, I don't see a whole lotta cowboys, sadly. Lemme tell ya, that is a WHOLE different way of life, from what I can gather. Those guys are the real deal. But as is the case my country club house-wifey sistas (and surely most sub-cultures) there seems to be a uniform of sorts. Cowboy-cool. Wranglers, for sure, with the cursory Skoal ring. Boots, but NOT fancy ones. And while you'd think cowboy hats, not so much. Most of the guys outside of the rodeo/bull riding ring wore baseball hats but instead of baseball teams logos they had tractor logos. Girls mostly had long hair and wore MOM JEANS, but on them they somehow looked okay. I imagine there's a utilitarian reason for them as they look like practical sorts. No Chanel sunglasses and gigantic Coach purses there. I'll tell ya, I sure as hell wasn't going to say anything about the jeans 'cause a lot of 'em looked like they could kick my Lucky Brand ass. And you've never seen more gigantic pick-up trucks in your life. HUGE. I felt like kind of a tool rolling up in our Volvo. Word to the nerd. 'Cause cowboys (and cowgirls) are way cooler than me. I'm pretty sure they don't even know it but I also don't think they care. Thus the beauty. Git along, little do-gie. See ya next year.