Chickenzilla

While at Pilates today I was shooting the shit with my friends and I was complaining about needing to come home and throw a turkey in the oven. I know it's a weird time of year to be making a turkey as we're all a bit weary of the festive meal at this point. It's not about being festive but rather about being thrifty. I bought a 20 lb frozen turkey for 50% off. Not only will it feed us tonight but I can make turkey soup out of it. Not to mention sandwiches and turkey casseroles up the wazoo. Anyway, somehow the mention of the turkey reminded one of my friends of "Chickenzilla". Chickenzilla was the world's largest roasting chicken ever genetically engineered. I'm not sure what kind of hormones were pumped into that thing but it was gianormous. In fact, I'm pretty sure I didn't have any pesky chin hairs before taking a bite out of that thing. Hmmm. It's all starting to make sense. My husband seized this opportunity to jot down a little recipe that I just dug out to share with you. Enjoy!

Oven Roasted Chickenzilla

This recipe was handed down to from my family and I'm so happy to pass it on to you. My grandfather raised chickens on his farm since he was a child. When the government tried to buy his land to build a nuclear power plant, he refused. The plant eventually was built on the neighboring property. As a child on that farm, I was frightened by the enormous size of the chickens we raised but they sure were delicious.

Ingredients

1 abnormally large chicken (preferably 9-10 lbs)

Salt

Pepper

2 stalks abnormally large celery (3-4 feet in length)

2 abnormally large carrots (2-3 lbs each)

Butter

Bread Crumbs

Poultry Seasoning

Preheat enormous oven to 325 degrees. Find a humungous roasting pan. Remove the shockingly large innards from the chickenzilla. Have family members help carry them to the dumpster. Pat the cavity of the chickenzilla dry with old towels and blankets.

Use a very big salt shaker and industrial pepper grinder to season the bird. In a cast iron vat, melt the butter. Use a hatchet to cut down the celery and carrots into manageable pieces, then finely chop. Sautee celery and carrots until clear, about 5 minutes. 

Add poultry seasoning and bread crumbs until stuffing is correct consistency. Shovel stuffing into the chickenzilla's enormous body cavity. Use a forklift to move the chickenzilla into the oven and let roast until the internal temperature reaches 165 degrees---18-22 hours for a bird of this size. 

Let chickenzilla rest for 20 minutes. While resting, sanitize the blades of a Super Saws-All. 

Carve the tender chickenzilla with the Super Saws-All and enjoy!

Ahhhh........that just never gets old. Thanks, Davey!