Today is my friend Brainer's birthday. He's the oft mentioned GBFF (gay best friend forever). I love him. We met in college when he was pretending he wasn't gay. Uh......I'd be heckling him from the cheap seats if he was a stage actor given the quality of THAT performance. Boo. Brainer says naughty things and gets away with it. I like this. He claims that his illegal maid died and sat decomposing in his foyer for weeks because he couldn't find another maid to clean up the mess. He also claims that he's poaching natural gas from his neighbor because he's poor. As I told him, I think "poor gay guy" is an oxymoron. Yes, the economy has caused all of us to pull in the horns but the truly fab find a way. He, however, insists that he is truly in need. Of Gucci and Prada. He feels that in lieu of donating to Haiti, we as a nation should turn our thoughts to him. So, text 12967 to donate $10 to Brainer. Charity begins at home. We can't have our gays walking around in last year's fashions. Screw "Hats for Hobos". I'm launching "Gucci for Gays". Sorry, B but this is far too important a cause to limit it strictly to you. If you are in need, surely there are others out there just like you who are wearing 2009 Prada Wolf Slippers. And driving 2007 Mercedes. Text like the wind, people......TEXT LIKE THE WIND!!!!!!!!