Saturday, January 2, 2010

Midol, Take Me Away.....Please.......

Mental  note: do NOT go to Costco on a Saturday with PMS. If you do, do not let ten-year old push gigantic cart. And if you protest his amateurish piloting of cart, when child states that he is not an idiot, remind him of the hamster currently rotting is some undisclosed locale in house and that he is in fact an idiot. But do it with love so as not to undermine burgeoning self-confidence. And remember to wear sunglasses indoors as eyes bulging out of head during said experience is apparently alarming to others. "What are you looking at? Huh? Huh? Wanna go? Didn't think so". Scratch the glasses. Looking crazy keeps people at bay. Better yet, just don't leave confines of home with PMS. Or simply have uterus and friends removed and dispensed with. Just let the whole sorry affair come to an unnatural conclusion. That may be the best plan yet. Do you think insurance pays for mercy hysterectomies? Is being annoyed with an internal organ just cause for removal? If it's not it should be. It's kind of akin to my mom's appendix. Useless and painful. And in a French landfill at present. Be afraid uterus. Be very afraid. You don't even look like me.

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