Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Lawyer Up

I know I said I wasn't going to be posting about Rhino the Runaway Hamster anymore. Well, that was until today's developments. First of all, Rhino has obviously not turned up as that would have been breaking news here at Deep Thoughts HQ. The fact that he has not turned up is not all that surprising. What IS a bit of a head scratcher is that he has not started to smell. I'm no medical examiner (hell, I'm no medical ANYTHING.....well, my liver may be a medical marvel but that's different) but I'm pretty sure that even tiny bodies would start to stink after all of this time. So the question of the hour is where IS he? Well, we may be starting to get a clearer picture. I received a rather cryptic email from an attorney earlier today alleging that the faulty hamster race car may have had a hand in his disappearance. But he's also naming us for gross negligence. Oh, like it's MY fault that he was opportunistic and ran through an open cage door towards an uncertain future. Nevertheless, it seems that fucking hamster is suing us. He's probably on a beach somewhere right now, laughing it up, little hamster feet up in the air, umbrella drink in tiny paw. He's probably traded in his racing helmet for one of those snappy Panama hats, too. What makes it all the more of a blow to the solar plexus is that he's retained ONE OF MY FRIENDS to represent him. A friend then shall henceforth be known only as "The Counselor". Oh, and he's good. He's really good. I would go into greater detail but I need to start shifting my assets into off-shore accounts or something. Oh wait......you have to HAVE assets to shift them? Good. Maybe I should sue Rhino after he sues the hamster car manufacturer. Pain and suffering. I think I slipped when I was trying to find him. Quick.....does anybody have a cane and one of those neck braces? Oh.....the pain........I think it's broken......all of it........

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