Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Thanks, Friends.......

Some of you may remember that last Friday was "hair day". It caused a bit of a shit storm as I sullied the good name of gray hair. Oops. Those gray haired gals made the PTA mom's seem like pussy cats. I think I'll stick to maligning the PTA in the future. Word up, silver sisters. You are out of my cross hairs, mainly 'cause I'm scared.

Anyway, given the reaction my hair garnered, apparently I had been walking around looking like a complete jackass and nobody had the nuts to tell me until AFTER THE FACT. Gee, thanks. Advice handed out in arrears sure is helpful, dorks. Over the course of time, I had become increasingly blonde. I was kinda digging it. I had lost a bunch of weight due to my thyroid finally being identified as the source of the unwarranted heft and was enjoying the blonde thing. As with most (okay, ALL) things, I took it a little too far evidently. So when I unveiled the slightly darker hair, here is the reaction from both a female and a male friend of mine, on separate occasions. And please keep in mind these were unsolicited opinions:

FF: "OH MY GOD. THAT LOOKS SO MUCH BETTER...........you were starting to look COMPLETELY washed out".
Me: "Errrrrrr........Thanks?"
FF: "WHAT? I'm just trying to be a good friend".

This is the same friend that insisted that I burn my beloved but hole-riddled red sweatpants. She told me I looked like a bag lady. A bag lady with ridiculously blonde hair, apparently. 

Then we've got the male friend who came up with THIS when he saw the new 'do. 

MF: "Wow, I like your hair a LOT better. You should take a picture of it. Much, much better than it was before".
Me: "Um, would you like me to help you pull your damn foot out of your mouth?"
MF: "WHAT? It was a compliment".

Yes, it was a compliment of the most back-handed order. Yay! I am no longer the hideous creature that I apparently was prior to this most recent hair day! I'll take shit from my gay friends as they often actually KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT. Well, except for my GBFF who famously tried to dye his own hair in an ill advised cost cutting move. This yielded disastrous (if admittedly hilarious) results. The complimentary guy friend in question would not know a highlight from a lowlight if they tied him down and started tap-dancing on his forehead. He doesn't really even HAVE hair so he has very little credibility. Hmmmph!

Regardless, it sure is a relief that I don't need to be sporting about the front range with a bag on my head. Or the aforementioned live beaver. It sure would have been helpful to know that I was horrifying the masses BEFORE. Shit!

(c) 2010
Copyright (c) by Mollie Christie 2010 all rights reserved.

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