Friday, November 13, 2009
Okay, so I'm having a pretty good day yesterday. Nobody died, no funerals to attend, no relatives having emergency surgery in foreign lands. I'm pretty easy to please. At the end of this drama-free day, I sit down at my computer and as is my habit, I check my facebook page. I look and see that someone has posted something on my wall. It's my sister-in-law! It's a picture of that fucker Benjamin with the comment, "Benjamin is back!!!!!". Apparently my mother did not in fact throw him overboard. So not only was I subject to emotional torture for a week at sea but I was deceived by my own mom. I've always had a sneaking suspicion that she never liked me. I can see it now....."Let's placate the fat kid by telling her the monkey went overboard". As if it wasn't bad enough seeing him after all of these years, it was a head shot. Kinda close up. He had his arms crossed and a particularly self-satisfied look on his face. At least I was spared the indignity of being exposed to his coveralls. I think maybe even HE is ashamed of their idiocy. So anyway, my nice normal day ended in me inquiring as to whether we had any sedatives in the house. As we did not, I had to settle for a stiff drink. It didn't really help all that much. I was having nightmares all night about swabbing the deck in the Benjamin Army. Benjamin must die. Who's with me? 'Cause trust me......if you were any less than perfect as a pre-teen, he and his pals would have been mean to you too. He represents all that is evil in the world. And he used to make obscene gestures with his tail. Probably still does.