Monday, November 16, 2009

Hug and GO, Mother $%&*er

My son goes to Red Rocks Elementary.  You've heard of Red Rocks Amphitheater, I'm's a fairly legendary concert venue.  Jack's school is pretty much tucked at the bottom.  It's got to be one of the most scenically beautiful elementary schools in the country.  Simply spectacular.  It's also really freakin' small.  Probably because when it was built in the 50's, the enrollment total was, oh....four children and as many cows?  Now there are 350 kids in attendance.  There's only one way in and out of the school and because it has a really stellar reputation, a lot of kids are "choiced" in, and therefore are dropped off as they can't ride the bus.  This creates a bit of a traffic problem in the morning.  While Jack is "in-district" I drop him off at school because the bus comes at some ridiculous hour and we all need the extra time.  Whatever.....I've got one kid.....I don't mind.  What I DO mind, however, are the dumb ass parents that cannot, in spite of repeated warnings and instruction, understand that the (idiotically named) "Hug and Go" lane means exactly that.   Hug your kid and move the hell along.  Quickly.  Not only are there signs to that effect but the building superintendent, Ken, has to stand out there in an attempt to move people along.  Doesn't really help.  In spite of his best intentions, he's not that menacing looking.  Something about not having scary people working at an elementary school, I guess.  I have literally seen people that cannot seem to part with their little darlings fawning, hugging, petting, kissing and practically crying because parting is such sweet sorrow.  Jesus.  Get a life.  I've got a pilates class to get to.  I can get Jack out of that car inside of two seconds and be burning rubber down the hill inside of three.  Maybe 'cause I don't bother with the hug.  He's TEN for Christ's sake. I also do not understand why the "Hug and Go" is taken by some as a social opportunity.  You don't need to be chatting with Sally while the rest of us are backed up onto the main thoroughfare.  And if you need to be texting somebody, go do it somewhere else.  Are the rest of us not back here?  Waiting?  Seriously considering ramming your ass?  It's Hug and GO, fucktard.  Hug.  Go.  Thank you.

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