Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Deer Dating and Brazen Hussies
Okay, so there's like a full-on deer orgy going on right about now. A whole lotta lovin' is taking place in my front yard, backyard, and general vicinity. It would not surprise me one bit if I looked out and they had built a swimming pool on the 17th fairway. A bunch of lounge chairs, a whole lotta booty shakin', boomin' music, spraying each other with Crystal........you know, like a rap video from the early 90's. The biggest buck would be kicked back all chill-like with about four or five does rubbin' up on him and sitting in his lap......that's what it's like out there. Minus the pool of course. And the Crystal. No opposable thumbs. But again, it would surprise me not at all. There IS booty shaking. Those little doe ho's are shameless. And because I am a keen observer of things in general, I have noticed that this little dance is much like that which goes on with humans. The doe prances around looking all coy until she gets the buck's attention. He starts sniffing after her and she runs away. This makes him want her all the more. I've seen the half-crazed look in the buck's eye. She is making an idiot out of him. He is being driven to distraction by this saucy little vixen. And she knows it. Oh, I saw you bend over, missy.......please. Oldest trick in the book. "Tee-hee....I DROPPED something". Sure you did. You don't have hands. And what is it that you dropped? Poop? I guess if that's all you've got, work it, girl. Style points! Anyway, what I noticed yesterday was that once the buck is dialed in on a particular doe, he is absolutely relentless and proceeds with laser-like precision. What I can't figure out is why THAT doe. There are like 50 out there. And they all look exactly alike. The bucks, not so much. Some of 'em are bigger and badder than the others. I've got one that if I were to wake up one day as a doe, I'd be all over like flies on a rib roast. He's big. Huge rack. Broad chested. Looks very "capable", if you know what I mean. I kinda like him. He's the Alpha Buck. I like Alpha Bucks. But alas, I am not a doe. Anyway, why THAT chick? And why does MY Alpha Buck love her so? I find it hard to believe that she is the only one in heat. 'Cause they're all essentially gyrating around like they're in a window in the red light district. Does the doe have a more symmetrical face than the others? Does she have a really arresting personality? Is her dad rich? What makes her so special? I want answers. 'Cause in the off chance I do wake up as a doe, that bitch is going down.