Wednesday, November 11, 2009
I really freaking hate my uterus right now. In fact I am hating not just my uterus but all of its reproductive pals as well. I'm not having any more kids. I have no use for it and all it serves to do is cause me and those around me monthly agony. I am bloated and angry. I've been told that I may in fact be downright hostile. Last month around this time, I hatched a plan to reach up and yank it out and toss it into nearby Turkey Creek. My hope was that it would be devoured by carp. Regrettably, I have been informed that there ARE no carp in Turkey Creek. I guess in my mind's eye I was visualizing piranha's but I don't think they are indigenous to Colorado Rivers. The mental picture did help with the anger though. This month I think I have a more practical idea. All I need is a gun. Not a problem out here in the Wild, Wild, West. I'm going to reach up, yank it out and shoot it. Maybe a few times just to make sure its ass has been properly capped. Is it murder if it's your own body part? Would that be reproductive suicide? I'm not sure what charges I might be brought up on if I'm caught but it would be well worth it to show that fucker who's boss once and for all.