Sunday, November 29, 2009

The Performing Mustache of Doom

One thing I may have neglected to add with all of this revenge-stache business is that my husband is a musician.  Like performs.  In front of people.  Sometimes a decent number of people that are not aware that this "mustache" is a vendetta rather than a serious self-expression through facial hair.  So this thing is going to be a bit of a problem as it's going to be given quite an audience this weekend.  It's one thing to make a spectacle of yourself.  It's another thing entirely to do it with a freakin' mustache.  The walking Pint of Guinness was somewhat akin to a spectacle.  That spectacle however, was actually pretty freakin' funny.  This mustache thing is so not. For the sake of clarification, I must state that I do not necessarily have a problem with facial hair.  I have a problem with THIS facial hair on THIS person as I am presently married to him and I suppose to the mustache by default.  I've got to say that the marital bond must be on shaky ground if one party is so hell-bent on revenge that he's willing to go to these lengths.  I wonder if there was anything in the pre-nup about facial hair.  I sincerely hope so.  But back to the matter at hand.  He told me last night to "fear the 'stache".  I don't fear the 'stache.  I fear that if he gets on stage with that thing on his lip, he'll never work in this town again.  "Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to Dave Christie and his performing mustache!!!!  Give it up!!!!!".  Oh, it's a "thing".  Not because it's impressive as it's really not.  It's more of a "what the hell is THAT" kinda "thing".  It's a 'stache only a mother could love, really.  Although it is my position that if his mother were aware of this recent turn of events, she would be horrified.  I can hear it now......"David, what is that on your face?  I'm very disappointed.  I am".  So am I, Mother B, so am I.  Clear out your guest room because if this goes on much longer, you may well find yourself with a large Albanian with something he is passing off as a mustache on your doorstep.  The moving van full of mustache grooming supplies will be close behind.

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