Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Tricks o' the Trade
Here's a little word of advice: being considered a bit of a "loose cannon" gets you out of all sorts of shit. And it's pretty fun. If you establish yourself as someone that is willing to say or do just about anything, nobody asks you to do anything that involves being even remotely responsible. And you get to behave kinda badly. It's expected. Strangely, nobody asks me to do anything that may involve serious conversation with adults. And the great part is, you can get credit for being willing to do the hard stuff 'cause you can volunteer knowing full well that the powers that be would never allow this to happen. "Oh, we need someone to represent the PTA at the school board meeting." ME: "I'll do it!!!!" Collective gasp as wide, panic-stricken eyes dart around the table before a "NOOOOOOOOO" is the emphatic response to my eager (and generous!) offer. Oh, and it was thought at one point that I should have some degree of involvement in the communications/social networking for my country club. Then I apparently scared some folks and they thought better of it. Apparently I am not all that politically correct. Waaah. I'm not sure if it was the salty language or the aggressive and enthusiastic consumption of alcohol. I'm pretty sure I haven't been running around naked lately, so I don't think it's that. You chase the hot garbage man down the street in the au natural ONCE and you never hear the end of it. ONCE! God. Squares. Anyway, that's one less the thing to do. But I was willing! Hee, hee. The country club communications, not the garbage man. Running naked down the street does not necessarily indicate "willing". Dave. In addition to having no filter and a reputation for wild antics, not being good at math is also helpful. This, again, gets you out of anything that may require thinking too hard. I can't be the treasurer of any organization because I suck at math. I can't be asked to count the money after any event because I suck at math. And I can't get in trouble if I accidentally spend too much money while shopping because I not only suck at math but have little understanding of budgets. They make my head hurt. This is where perfecting the "blank stare" comes in very handy. Best when accompanied by a "Huh?" You may get patted on the head, but you got a cool new pair o' boots out of the deal. And have I mentioned that I have not had to drive home from a bar or party for twenty years? If through a pattern of behavior you establish that there is not a snowball's chance in hell that this would be a reasonable option, you never have to do it!!!! I don't believe it would even occur to my husband. It's all smoke and mirrors baby......what if I actually HAVE a filter, am reasonably good with both numbers AND budgets and could very well be a designated driver if I set my cap to it? Only I know. And I'm not tellin'.