Monday, December 7, 2009
Just the Merchandise, Please
So I'm at the pet store purchasing hamster supplies. Not the actual hamster as that's gonna have to wait 'til Christmas Eve. And then I'm not sure what we're going to with our boy Rhino 'til the next morning but we'll figure it out. The lady at the checkout is all like, "Oh.....a hamster! Is this a first pet?" I explain that no, my son has grown up with a lab and that we now have a 6-month old lab puppy. And four extremely exciting fish. Stripey, Tory, Garry and Larry. Larry is my favorite. He's a cut-up. At the mere mention of Grady, pet-store lady visibly bristles and says, "Will you be able to keep the dog away from the hamster?" and I must not have answered quickly enough as she said, "You do know that labs eat hamsters". Oh for fuck's sake. It's not like I'm going to feed it to a Boa Constrictor. Have you been talking to my mother, lady? I didn't come here looking for an opinion from your ass. I came to purchase this fancy hamster habitat and shiny red hamster race-car. Hamster helmet sold separately. Ring 'er up and enough with the lip. The only problem is that I'm pretty sure that given the eyeball she was giving me, they're going to hang up a picture of me so that noone will sell me a freakin' hamster. A wanted poster that says, "Hamster Hater" or something. Yeah, I look really menacing. My demure demeanor belies the beast that lurks within. Perhaps it would be advisable to visit a different Petsmart location to procure Rhino. In another state.