Monday, December 28, 2009

Burn, Sizzle, Char

File this one under "Now there's somethin' you don't see everyday.....". I woke up this morning and as is typical there are about 5 million deer outside my window. Yeah, yeah, yeah.....deer, deer, deer. Yawn. What caught my eye was a very large buck approaching with some unidentified object completely entangled in his rack. WTF?! As he got closer, it looked to be some components of a hammock, relaxing pillow included. At first I was feeling really bad for him but it didn't appear to be hindering his mobility or ability to eat. What it was clearly impeding was his social life. He looked like a prize asshole. Before you start thinking I'm a jerk for making fun of him, realize that I know who this guy is. He's a bully. He was in my backyard locking horns with another buck yesterday and ran him off. Oh, he had a swagger. He was that jerkoff at the bar just spoiling for a fight. Well, it seems that deer, much like humans, don't really care for hanging out with others that look like idiots. He was being shunned. The ladies who just yesterday were walking around waving their tails around at him (that's what the slutty ones do) literally were walking away from him and over to the poor guy with no game that was being pushed around by the formerly Big Deer on Campus. BDOC was just standing there looking stunned, apparently unaware that he looked like a complete fucktard, as the cool deer all slowly backed away. He's going to have to start hanging out with the dorks, it seems. Dorks are generally an accepting lot as they can't be that choosy. And a good thing, as we see how the mighty have fallen. Yeah, you're not so cool now that you've got a chunk of backyard lounge-gear on your head, are ya tough guy? Nope. You're not. Let that be a lesson to you. You're only one unfortunate incident away from becoming the laughingstock of my backyard. Better him than me as Lord knows I've found myself with some crazy shit on my head. But then again I'm not walking around thinking I'm all cool and bossing everybody else around. Wait a second. Yes I am. Nevermind. Mental note......keep rack away from hammocks. And car doors. 


  1. Oh, the poor dear - uh, deer. As Kelso would say... BURN!

  2. Richard would be out there in a heartbeat! Last night he was so desperate, he and our neighbor were sitting in the barn shooting rats!