Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Not So Much

One of my friends is a personal shopper at a high-end department store and apparently made some pretty good money the other day. This was mentioned in front of my dad, who we often compare to Mr. Krabs from Sponge Bob Square Pants.  Mr. Krabs is the owner of the Krusty Krab and often declares, "I like money!" It doesn't help that Mr. Krabs is Scottish and so is my Dad. Anyway, Dad hears that my girl was making some coin at this gig and says, "MOL!!!! You should do that!".  The fact that my husband did a spit-take upon hearing this declaration is very telling. Um, NO, dad.......I really, really should not be a personal shopper. I would be fired within the first hour for attempting to strangle a client. The very fact that someone would require a personal shopper instantly puts them on my "You Annoy Me" list. I have a really hard time with people that can't make decisions. Wishy-washy is not my cup of tea. It even bothers me when my husband sits there with a menu and can't make up his mind after everyone else has ordered and the waitress is just standing there mentally tapping her toes. Minutes seem like days when you're waiting for him to decide between the salmon and sea bass. CLEARLY YOU HAVE NARROWED IT DOWN TO FISH. JUST PICK ONE OR I WILL PICK ONE FOR YOU. So I guess in that case, I would technically be personally shopping for Dave's dinner. Helping people I don't know pick out clothes however, would be a freaking disaster of epic proportions. I'm pretty sure that field requires some modicum of patience, a quality I do not possess. I'd be like, "It's a fucking shirt. Do you want the blue or the green? You don't know? You want the blue. Next." I actually had a job somewhat like this once. I have a degree in interior design and during the building boom out here in Colorado there was a lot o' money to be made. "Thar's gold in them thar hills!!!!" I worked at a design showroom helping people pick out finishes for their new homes. Carpet, tile, wood floors, etc. The only thing that kept me from jumping over my desk and throttling some of these idiots was the fact that I was making really, really good scratch. I now possess only half a tongue as the rest was bitten off during this period of time but I had a really cool car for awhile. You would not believe the difficulty people have when faced with two shades of extremely cheap carpeting. Seriously? It's going to look depressing whether you pick Mystic Mink or Sandy Sawdust. For reals. You're going to want to kill yourself when you see the horrible shitbox you're in the process of picking out materials for so it really doesn't matter BUT if you want my professional opinion, go with the Mink. It'll hide the tears you'll be shedding better. Although Sandy Sawdust does go nicely with desperate resignation. Hmmm. Lemme go to my office to think about this one. Personal shopper my ass.