Wednesday, December 9, 2009
That Sinking Feeling.....
I have spent the last several days doing my dishes that can't go in the dishwasher in the bathtub. You see, gentle readers, my kitchen sink collapsed several days ago. Just fell. Because I am of the formerly fabulous ilk, my sink itself is rather fabulous. One of those fancy under-mount deals. Well, it may look cool but it clearly was not made to support the world's largest turkey, and I place the blame for THIS one on that damn Gorby (check archives from late November if you're new to Deep Thoughts.....you can meet Gorby there, that cheeky little imp) and his excessive weight. He loosened everything up enough so that a falling sink was an inevitability. Fucker. And yes, I DID just call a turkey a fucker. So anyway, we came home from a night of revelry to find that this sink debacle had occurred. The manny and Jack claimed that they just heard a "thunk" at some point during the night and thought nothing of it. 18 and 10 year old boys are not the world's most observant chaps, I've found. I'm one to investigate "thunks" but that's just me. I investigate hunks too, but that's a tale for another day. I think I may have mentioned that while my husband is a great guy and an excellent musician/performer, fixing stuff is not his schtick. I could (and should!) dedicate an entire entry to that. I think this really bothers him and so he will attempt things that are well beyond his area of expertise and this often ends badly. In the case of the sink, however, he did some research and decided to give it a whirl. I figured he must have been fairly confident in his ability to complete the task as he was willing to face the inevitable ridicule that accompanies failure. It's not that I'm a horrible woman (don't say it....don't even think it...) but I just feel strongly that people should know their strengths and weaknesses. While Dave has many strengths for which I admire him, this is not one of 'em. Anyway, feeling steeled by research and determination, he embarked on the big repair last night. Here's how it unfolded:
4:00 PM Dave returns with armful of sink fixin' supplies
4:38 PM Dave makes return trip to Home Depot because he purchased wrong armful of sink fixin' supplies.
5:08 PM Having sufficiently fiddled around under the sink, Dave declares a "Dry Run". Not being sure what this means, I retreat downstairs with a bottle of wine and a corkscrew. The very term "dry" makes me edgy. No glass necessary as this is not a situation that demands pleasantries. It demands action.
5:24 PM Having disappeared for a spell, Dave returns to announce that, "Things are about to get a LOT more exciting". This announcement causes me to feel slightly....no....VERY uneasy. I look nervously around for most obvious means of escape. You will understand more when I tell the story of what happened the last time he fixed something and called for the family to gather around. I think I still have some sort of post-trauma disorder from that one.
5:45 PM Panic. Lots of yellling. Am asked to remove dog from under sink. I comply. Situation is declared to be "VERY STRESSFUL".
7:32 PM It appears that everything is under control. Dave looks slightly worse for the wear, but seems content to to sit and chug Jim Beam by the fire while watching Charlie Brown. Sink is firmly clamped to counter. Good job Dave.
But not so fast. Caulk has to cure for 24 hours. We won't know if it's been a success or failure until this evening. And the plumbing needs to be hooked back up. My fear is that if it does not hold, my loving husband, the father of my child, may in fact stick HIS head in the oven. Who am I going to call to fix that? Until then, I've got a bathtub full of dishes with my name on it. May as well just climb in and kill two birds with one stone.