Tuesday, December 1, 2009
I'm all for gay marriage. What woman in her right mind would NOT want to marry a gay man? They make the perfect partner. In fact, if I'm ever in the market for a new spouse, I do believe I'll go that route. In my mind, gay men are amongst God's finest creations. He took the best qualities of both sexes and shook them up into one utterly fabulous and impeccably groomed cocktail. They have a feminine appreciation for the finer things in life and in my experience tend to be wonderfully creative. That being said, they are infinitely more reasonable than most women I've encountered in my life. This I credit to their male genitalia. Can I get a shout-out for the male genitalia? Whoop-whoop!!!! Testosterone is a beautiful thing. I've always gotten along better with men than women as there's not a lot of subtext when you're dealing with them. What is, is. There is a measured quality about men that I admire. With a gay husband, even if they're feeling bitchy and snarky and are wanting to toss a fit at the same time you do, they'll let you go first. Now THAT is chivalry at it's best. Gay husband: "Fine, bitch.....go ahead". Let's see......what's the downside? Arguments about menus and guest lists when (frequently) entertaining? Fine. I value input. Two simply genius heads are better than one. Being wed to someone whose opinion you cannot summarily dismiss in matters of home decor? That might prove problematic. However, waving my Interior Design degree around may prove helpful in this instance. They're also not going to pester you for sex long after the bloom is off of the proverbial rose. Oh, and surely they are not going to get their package enhancing Calvin Klein boxer briefs in a wad if you get a little on the side, as being slightly morally casual is not just encouraged but applauded. In this case it's not really on the side but getting a little in general, as this is a wonderfully sexless union. No petty jealousy and wild accusations to deal with. Wife: "Guess what! I'm having a raging affair with the garbage man......gotta problem with it? None whatsoever? Awesome......love you honey!!!! Smooches!" Gay men will also tell you the truth. Gay Husband: "Oh NO, girlfriend.....you are SO not wearing that". Wife: (age old question)"Why? Does it make me look fat?" Gay Husband: "Oh HELL yes!!!!" Refreshing, to say the least. And then he'll march you back upstairs and morph you into the flawless creature of your dreams with his bare hands. Okay, and maybe a wand. This is a sexual encounter when you are a straight woman married to a gay man. And it's awesome. A gay husband will also listen to you complain about transgressions against you at the hands of other women and somehow make it all better. Gay Husband: "She said what? Doll, that bitch wouldn't know a Prada from a Nada". They SO know just what to say. So, gay marriage? Best idea I've heard in a loooong time.