Thursday, December 31, 2009

Oh No.

Holy God. The fucking hamster is on the loose. Ripped straight from the headline screaming, "I TOLD YOU SO" right above a big fat photo of my self-satisfied looking mother. Caption reads, "Arizona woman says ungrateful daughter should have listened". I would pay big money right now for a recording of my son stating, "MOM, I'm ten years old. I'm not an idiot" whilst making his case for hamster procurement. Well Jack, it would appear that you are. Ten. And an idiot. This is such a classic scenario that I honestly thought it was too cliche to actually happen. It's right out of the "Unfortunate Hamster Story Manual". What part of "DO NOT TAKE THE HAMSTER OUT OF THE CAGE" did you not understand? I am a fairly direct person and I'm pretty sure I'm not vague when barking out commands. I was not stuttering nor speaking Japanese. Obviously the lure of the hamster was too much for Jack and his best friend to resist. They're like furry little balls of kid-crack or something. Bottom line is that I just had to go purchase live traps in attempt to find the little guy before it's too late. I know, I know......good luck with that. But I feel like as the dumbass that actually purchased the hamster I need to attempt to do something.The worst part of the whole sorry incident is that I was forced to say something so trite that I cringed as it was coming out of my mouth........Jack:  "Mom, are you still mad at me about Rhino?" Me: "No Jack, I'm not mad at you but I'm really disappointed". Gack. But it's true. Waaahh. I'm turning into an actual parent-type thing.


  1. Bloody hysterical. Good on you Jack, you just made my NYE :))) He'll turn up, relax and don't worry any more about him for now. And you know the kids HAVE to handle the hamster or it'll not get used to touch and end up biting him. It's more 'do not let loose in an open area... or near the dog... and do not show it the entrance to the heating system'... stuff like that! hahahaha

  2. and Rhino?! he's called Rhino?! hahahahaha

  3. Oh, he'll turn up all a melted puddle of hamster goo and fur, just like mine did when it got lost, stinking up the ceiling tiles in the basement. Oops, sorry...I'm not being encouraging at all. Must muster up some encouragement...Umm... Mol! Don't worry, he's just getting the lay of the house and all. Rhino will turn up toute suite with a sheepish grin and a killer hunger. He'll be content to ride around in his race car from here on out. Love you:)