Monday, February 22, 2010

Team Albania

I think I have mentioned that my husband is half Albanian.  What is an Albanian you ask? Well, I had that very question myself upon encountering this fellow in an admittedly drunken stupor back in 1989. It's a small Mediterranean country bordering Greece. Albania is land of many goats. And some people. Apparently, women are not allowed to wear pants in Albania. No problems there....I'm not a fan of pants anyway. Or skirts. Just not a fan. Not that I'm planning on actually going to Albania. Ever. Apparently none of the streets are straight for any considerable stretch as they were trying to keep "the Americans from landing their planes and invading". Um, call me crazy but WHY IN THE ASS WOULD WE INVADE ALBANIA? Shortage of goat cheese? I also have heard tales that their hospitals do not have elevators. Headed to emergency surgery? Not a problem! Bajram here will throw you over his capable shoulders and carry you up the stairs! No matter that you're missing a limb and are clinging to life! "Hold on tight.....Bajram strong like bull!" And the national past-time involves kicking a severed goat-head (again with the goats) down a dusty road that zigs AND zags. So I believe we've established that Albania is a pretty fucked up place. Well, it seems that several years back, Dave made the discovery that since his grandmother was born in Albania, he is qualified to represent his ancestral homeland at the Olympics. Well, back then he figured he would be on the boxing team. He's a pretty big (and swarthy!) guy so he'd be a natural. Of course. I vaguely recall a heavy bag being installed in our basement but nothing really came of it other than making an unholy racket involving God knows what for approximately twoo weeks. I have since been laboring under the distinct impression that his Olympic dreams had been extinguished. Not so fast, Bucky. He is now considering being on the Albanian golf team in the next summer Olympiad. He will actually BE the Albanian golf team. There are NO GOLF COURSES IN ALBANIA, which leads me to the logical conclusion that there are NO GOLFERS IN ALBANIA. They may have something vaguely resembling frisbee golf but with goat parts instead of discs but I don't think anybody is walking around in wacky pants and swinging nine irons. So, the human interest story of the next summer games may be Dave Christie, half-Albanian with a heart of gold. I'm sure my son, who is one quarter Albanian (but chooses not to acknowledge it, eschewing it for his Scots/Irish heritage "'cause it looks like more fun"....touche) will be very proud. Can't WAIT to see Dave walking around that track wherever the next Olympics are held, wearing a goat on his head and waving an Albanian flag. Go Dave. Long live Albania. 

No comments:

Post a Comment