Friday, February 12, 2010

Ahoy Polloi

I spend time on boats. I'm from Michigan. The Big Mitten. The Great Lakes State. "If you seek a pleasant penninsula, look about you". Lotsa boats in MI. Those of you that have been reading for awhile will recall the unfortunate incident wherein I was dangling over the side of a boat held up by just an industrial strength thong. Although I am 42-years old, the only boat I'm allowed to drive is a little Whaler. I don't think my dad ever really got over the two car accidents the day I got my drivers license and is a little wary of anything that involves me and a steering wheel. To that end, I am not really even supposed to look at my dad's boat. It's named the "Ohana" which I believe is Hawaiian for "touch me and die". It's one of those woody things. My dad, who isn't a particular guy is particular about this boat. It doesn't even look all that fun to me. You can't stand up in it and you can't drink in it. Oh boy. This sure is fun sitting here not eating or drinking. On a boat. Maybe it's fun if you're driving but as has been established that's not going to happen during my dad's lifetime. I'll take a party barge over a Hacker Craft any day of the week. There actually was much spirited discussion over what to name the damn thing. My brother and I are still pissed that he didn't name it "The Flying Wasp" 'cause that would have been freakin' hilarious. " the honors". Then I came up with "I've Got a Woody". Which would have been awesome. In the end, Jack came up with "Ohana" which I guess means "family" or something dorky like that. There was this boat on our old lake called "Bodacious". It was one of those stupid cigarette boats that you picture total cheese balls piloting. "I bet I'll get laid with this sweet-ass boat". So we jokingly referred to it as the "S.S. Makin' Whoopee" for the duration which cracked our asses up immensely. I think if I ever have a boat I'm going to christen it the S.S. Holy Crap. 'Cause that pretty much sums me up. And rest assured, you will be able to stand up AND drink. It will not just be allowed but encouraged. Ahoy. 

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