Saturday, February 13, 2010
Okay, I have made a direct correlation between the amount of bumper stickers on a car and a drivers ability. The more stickers the suckier the driver. And yes, "suckier" is now a word. Usually the "Honor Student" and "Dorky Stick Figure Family Including Pets" stickers are simply overly cautious. Wouldn't want to rattle the brains of the little Einstein's in training or upset the precious cargo. They're the ones you'd love to ram because they find it necessary to look both ways four times at a stop sign. Once will suffice. Those drivers aren't dangerous though.....just annoying. Stickers can give you a ton of information. I really like gay cowboys. Oh, I'm down......I know what the rainbow bronc-buster on the back of your F-250 means. It means you're a good driver. Thanks for that. Oh, and here's a good one.......if you have a PEACE sign on your car anywhere, it's kind of counterintuitive to flip other drivers off. Not very peaceful, beatnik. I actually saw this while driving Jack to school last week. I almost spit out my Diet Coke I was laughing so hard. That was one angry hippie. Go smoke a doobois. But back to my original hypothesis. Multiple stickers almost always equal crappy driver. Perhaps it's the strength of the drivers convictions that distract them from the task at hand. If you see a smallish car with "Obamaniac", "Tax Wealth Not Work" and "I'm a Sexy, Smart Pro-Choice Woman" displayed on the back beware. Cool that you believe in something but you're a shitty driver. It's not just the liberals. The conservatives are just as bad. "Gun Control Means Using Both Hands". Oh, for fuck's sake. Or "PETA....People Eating Tasty Animals" or "Shut Up Hippy". Although I could have used that one last week for my buddy with the peace sign. The right-wing radicals just as distracted by their beliefs. And anger. Turn off the talk radio, calm the hell down and drive. See that steering wheel? It moves a big metal thing around along with it's pal the gas pedal. And that other thing down there is called a "brake". Acquaint yourself with them along with that thing in front of you. It's called a "road". I will cop to having a bumper sticker. One. Wahoo's Fish Tacos. Jack put it on the back of the Volvo because it has a scratch and he said it needed a band-aid. Argue with that logic. It's staying. And I'm driving. Quite well, thank you.