Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Not Very Relaxing

I am pretty sure that walking your dog should not be embarrassing. I HAD to walk Grady today. In one of those, "be careful what you wish for moments", Dave is actually spending more time at his new office (word up, Live Urban Real Estate in Denver....contact Dave Christie for all of your real estatin' needs) which means that I have to walk the freakin' dog. Didn't think of that when I was laying down the "GET OUT OF THE DAMN HOUSE" edict. My walk is normally the most relaxing point of my day. I listen to music, chill out, collect myself and my thoughts.......you get the picture. Now picture this: attempting to remain upright while doing the same dance a deep sea fisherman does while reeling in a marlin. Or better yet, a swordfish. They seem pretty angry. He literally was off the ground for the better part of the first half of the walk. When you're thinking you're going to end up in traction from walking your dog, you've got trouble. With a capital T. Or "G" as the case may be. You suck, letter G. I was also thinking, "For the love of God and all things holy, PLEASE do not let anyone I know see me with this dog". Yeah, good luck with that......first of all, I know pretty much everybody in this 'hood (or worse yet.....they know me) and secondly, Grady is about as subtle as a heart attack. He may as well have a neon sign attached to him that says, "I am the worst dog EVER.....look at meeeeeee!!!!!!" I'm surprised the local news wasn't called. "Morrison woman dragged through neighborhood by rabid 60 lb Lab puppy.......we'll have updates on her condition as they become available but witnesses say it did not look good". At one point he did seem to chill a bit, only to decide to snack on some goose poop and what I genuinely hope was an empty pack of menthol cigarettes. Hopefully the menthol did something for his breath. He also started body checking me. I'm really not sure what that was all about but I was pretty much in tears at that point so I just shoved him back. Shit lotta good that did. So if you saw me out walking today (and if you live here, odds are you did), and I looked particularly dejected, it's because I was. Grady had a great time. He even found a large piece of what looked like dog poop as we approached our driveway. What made is especially great is that he dropped some of it in the foyer when we got in. I went straight to the computer to vent so I'm not sure if it's still there. It's probably not as Grady has never met a piece of poop he hasn't liked. Good times. 


  1. Just asking but... he's a big dog, how often does he get 'walked'? Would he not settle down at least a bit with longer and more frequent *runs*? (as opposed to 'walks'). He needs to vent more, sounds like.
    Caroline (not a dog trainer by any means).

  2. I swear by dog training! Even if you have to have one come to your house it will be money well spent!

  3. We're going to have to get somebody out here. A friend is giving me the name of somebody good, so I'm at least hopeful. Caroline, we live in the foothills so it's a pretty rigorous walk. He's pooped out by the time we're done, so at least we have THAT going for us. I think he's got a good heart but that we ALL need some guidance.