Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Mommy Blogger


Check out this article. First of all, this chick has 140,000 page views a month. I have like 20,000.  Waaaahhhhh. Nobody loves me. That being said, I totally feel her pain (disdain may be the better word) for the haters. People never cease to amaze me. For reals. While I may not have blogs dedicated to taking every word I utter literally and then sending me up the river for it (well, my brother is still threatening to start that "My Sister is Full of Shit" blog), I still take my fair share of hits from ass hats that do not understand irony. Granted, as advertised, you can't make the shit that happens in my life up. But there is a little thing called "sarcasm". If you have to look it up, don't bother. Recently I've had someone from high school ask that I refrain from swearing both on my facebook page and in my blog as she and her husband "don't like to bring that kind of language into their home". Uh.....don't read it? Unfriend.  Then there's this dude I apparently knew at some point that I guess is a holy roller now. He went out of his way to tell me that I'm "not right". Huh. Ya think? I'm not going to unfriend him because I'm having all kindsa fun trying to further horrify him. I've also had people claim that based on my ramblings they are worried about my child, much like the blogger in the Free Press article. Of course, they don't say it to me.....they whisper and point at school functions and such. If any of you have seen my child then you know not to worry. He's clean! He doesn't appear to have missed many meals. Ever. No lice or scabies. I'm not really sure what scabies are but they sound like something a street urchin would have so I'll go with 'em. He's polite and a reasonably good athlete and a nice guy. He even shows up at school fairly regularly! He's also funny as shit and can mix up a damn fine margarita.Furthermore, there is food in my pantry! I actually manage a nutritionally balanced home-cooked meal most nights of the week. And last I checked, there were no barnyard animals milling about the family room. I also don't think that there is a single man in a tank top on the premises. In a totally unrelated topic, why ARE all the guys that get hauled out of their trailers on "Cops" always wearing tank tops? And why are their baby mommas always screaming and crying? I'd be like, "Take him!!! Please!" But as usual, I digress. Back to why I rock. I volunteer! At the school! Granted, I was essentially kicked off of the PTA board. Something about a blog. See? The shit I take. I also do numerous good works around my country club. Spaulding needs love too. And who can forget my "Hats for Hobos" initiative. There wasn't a dry eye in the house when I accepted THAT award. Or a hatless hobo. Additionally, like many people of my generation, I am also caring for my aging parents. Oh wait. They take care of me. Scratch that one. Sooooooooo...........the bottom line is that although I may live a slightly more colorful existence that some (ALRIGHT.......most), I manage my shit. THIS shit is TIGHT. You don't like me? Don't hang out with me. And for fuck's sake, don't read my blog. There's this saying about birds? Of a feather? Guess what? They flock together. All I know is that my friends are pretty freakin' cool. And I assure you judgers that we are having a LOT more fun than you are. See you in hell!!!!!  

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