Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Bite Me

Oh, I'm a little more prickly than usual. Okay, A LOT more prickly than usual. To that end, I have come up with a little list of the things and people that can bite me. Right on my ever lovin' ass. 

1. My knee. Specifically my meniscus. It hurts and it really freakin' pisses me off. I'd punch it if it wouldn't make it worse. And YES, I'm seeing a doctor. So you know it's bad. 

2. The economy. Being formerly fabulous sucks ass. Had I known that I would have to clean my own damn house I believe I would have purchased a yurt. One room. Dirt floors. A floor that is supposed to be dirty is something I can really get behind. And no toilets to clean! Yay.

3. People that have license plates saying that they are former Navy pilots that drive like 20 miles per hour. And poorly at that. I find it disturbing that someone that can't drive a fucking car was flying fighter planes around. In the defense of our country. That's how the terrorists win. We've got Grandpa Joe up there. Crying and screaming, "HOW DOES THIS DING-DANG CONTRAPTION WORK?????"

4. Lying sons of bitches. You know who you are. And you really CAN bite me. 

5. Whoever decided not to sell beer at the elementary school talent show. What's that you say? Schools are a "Drug Free Zone"? Whoever came up with THAT one can bite me too. Just because the kids can't drink doesn't mean the parents shouldn't. Hic. 

6. My dog. Grady was actually off the list for awhile. He hasn't eaten a sock, knocked anybody over or been caught eating poop in at least a week. But this morning he consumed three of the four ibuprofen tablets that Dave "The Pusher Man" Christie was trying to make me consume against my will. This set off a frantic internet search and call to the vet. Seems that it takes more than three to do damage to a dog his size. Still. I could have lived without THAT drama. Thanks Grades. 

7. The people that are all up in arms about the new "Growing and Changing" curriculum at school. Yes, they talk about oral sex. Big fucking deal. Seems there are those that are laboring under the impression that if you don't talk about it won't happen!!!!!! Gee, maybe if I don't look at my bills, I won't have to pay them! These people can remove the sticks from their asses and THEN bite me. Or better yet, DON'T SEND YOUR KIDS TO THE CLASS IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT. How's that? 

8. Kids that sit in the back of the bus and make faces at cars behind them when stopped. That is actually another blog entry altogether. And it will be forthcoming. In the meantime, bite me kids.  

9. The greedy liquor store owner that jacked the price of my favorite bottle of wine from $6.99 to $7.99. Well, to be fair it's more accurately described as a "jug" rather than a bottle. Regardless, that's not cool. We're in a recession. We NEED our booze. It's not recreational at this point. It's medicinal. Four o' clock is no longer cocktail hour. It's a therapy session. 

10. Punk ass punks. Just because.  

1 comment:

  1. Agree with you Intoto. I'll save biting your ass for next episode. U go gal.