Monday, April 19, 2010

FU Fanny Pack

For some reason, I have witnessed more than my fair share of rather unfortunate fanny packs today. Like the "mom-jean", there really is never a reason to don a fanny pack, so referring to my sightings as "unfortunate" is redundant. They are ALWAYS unfortunate. WTF? Why? What good can come out of this.....this......thing? The very name alone! It's a pack......for your fanny!!!!! Who calls your ass a fanny anyway? "Ass-pack" would be infinitely more appealing to me for some reason. I don't really know how to categorize it as it's not an article of clothing. It's not a purse or a satchel or really even a pack. It's a bag that you strap around your waist. First of all, if you are a woman USE A PURSE!!!!!! They make 'em that go over your shoulder! Your hands don't need to be tied up like some old lady with a handbag. We're women. We have purses. And any woman worth her salt has a shit load more crap to lug around than can fit in a fanny pack. Having recently pulled not just a sock but a half-eaten burrito out of mine, I can attest to this fact. Testify, Sister Mollie! Conversely, if you are a man, YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE ENOUGH STUFF THAT YOU REQUIRE A FANNY PACK TO GO TO THE GROCERY STORE. Man=wallet. Anything more makes you appear either weird or......well, I guess that says it all. Weird. Or like you've escaped from a mental health facility. Which is worse than weird 'cause it's crazy. I witnessed a whole family of 'packs today. I actually felt sorry for them. They looked so pleased with themselves. I guess if that's what makes you happy, then go for it. Doesn't mean it's not going to bug me though. What I want to know is what exactly is IN these things? Maps? First-aid kits? Insulin pumps? Snacks in case you become lost and or disoriented at PetSmart? This is where I saw 'pack-fam. What about an outing such as this REQUIRES enough stuff that every member of the expedition needs to strap on a fanny pack? Can't you just see them leaving the house? "DAMN. I can't find my fanny pack. Nobody is going anywhere until I find it". Frantic search ensues. I actually saw some women in my neighborhood walking today that appeared to be otherwise normal but then I noticed that they were both sporting 'packs and I instantly put them on my "avoid" list. Sorry. 

1 comment:

  1. LOL... Mollie I have a "fanny pack"... now before you condemn me I use it only when I ride my bike (10 or more miles). It then contains my wallet, keys and cell phone. I am also at that point wearing bike shorts which makes the whole outfit even weirder.

    I will tell you that the word fanny in England refers to a girls private bits. So maybe in a way that makes it funnier.