Friday, March 19, 2010

10 Things I'm Wondering About Today

1.How can a kid who has problems spelling anything with more than four letters in it consistently remember my 8 character iTunes password when purchasing games for his iPod Touch? Without asking? 

2.Why you would choose to go out driving in a snowstorm if you are so terrified of the conditions that your white knuckles and panicked expression is visible to other motorists? Why? 

3.Why you would go to an event billing a "Celtic Rocker" on St. Fucking Patrick's day and then bitch about the noise?

4.Why old bags are so threatened by anyone twenty years younger than they are and reasonably attractive? Oh wait. I know the answer to that one. Nevermind. 

5.Why I fit the criteria for so many mental illnesses? I am an obsessive compulsive, passive aggressive, manic depressive with anxiety and control issues. Does this not qualify me for some sort of government assistance? As clearly I am nuts. 

6.Why people think replacing a "c" with a "k" is klever. It's not. Nor is it klassy. 

7.Why if I know something I'm doing bugs somebody it makes me want to do it all the more? (See #5)

8.Why a dry cleaning truck drove through the garage door of my rental house this morning? MY house? Well, I guess why NOT my house. 

9. Who decided that shaping gigantic exterior shrubberies into something that can only be described as distinctly phallic is a good idea? My brother has one at his new house that has probably been there since 1978. But obviously, someone maintained it's penile profile over the years. Enthusiastically! He's going to fashion up a condom for it for Halloween. I like the cut of my brother's jib. A man after my own heart. 

10. Who in the hell cheats on that nice Sandy Bullock with a hard drinking, tattooed biker chick who likes to get naked? Oh, that's right.......a hard drinking, tattooed biker dude who's been previously married to two porn stars.  Now THERE'S a stretch. Go figure. 

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