Calm Yourselves.......

Okay, calm down everybody.......general panic seems to be breaking out throughout the land about my "sobriety". Do I need to turn a hose on you to quell the uprising? Put down the homespun posters demanding my return to the dark side. It's TEMPORARY people. And even if it wasn't, I'm telling you, I'm pretty much the same no matter what. That's the scary part. But I assure you this is a flight of fancy. I like drinking too much to ever give it up entirely. And the public demands it. Just give me 'til Saturday. In the meantime I'm sure people like me are a dime a freakin' dozen so if you seek to add a tipsy twist to any occasion recruit one of 'em to entertain you and I'll be back in the boozing business shortly. I need a few days in which to solemnly reflect on the year past and all of my regrettable, booze-fueled transgressions. I've got some thinking to do. I need to figure out how to ramp up my antics so that this year they are bigger and badder than ever before. Tipping backwards out of chairs is so 2004. And the falling off of the boat and dangling from a cleat by a thong apparently constructed of a rather miraculous material? Amateur hour. Gotta have a clear head for planning the good stuff. This shit doesn't just happen. It's YEARS in the making. Execution is another matter all together. That's where the alcohol comes in. For my next trick........