Friday Night Lights (Out)

Holy Crap.........what a weekend. I better break this thing down in chunks. Starting at the beginning is usually best. Friday. It started for me at 4 am. You see, dear readers, a "location scout" was coming to my house at 12:30 because he had seen some photos on a modern blog and was interested in shooting a commercial in my damn kitchen. I told you guys my stove is a sexy bitch. So after frantically cleaning for 8 hours, I had to remove Demon Dog from the premises (call me crazy but I think Grady's "enthusiastic" presence would have been a deal breaker) and so headed over to a friends house, pooch in tow. Because it was a nice day, we were sitting on her back patio watching Grady play with her yellow Lab. Sitting, sitting, chatting........HOLY SHIT......Grady hopped over the retaining wall and is tearing down the 4th fairway of our golf course. Thankfully there were some quick thinking golfers out who collared the little bastard. Pop the leash on him and he literally almost pulled ME over the retaining wall on the way back down. Needless to say, we moved the dog party inside. Anyway, at some point in the afternoon it was determined that the neighborhood girls needed a night out. Oh God. Dave was playing at a dive bar that evening. The very same bar where I met "Nick the Ex-Con Jailhouse Tattoo Artist". Perfect. Um, for those of you that have said I need a camera crew following me around? This would have been a keeper. You've got a bar teeming with people who had never, ever seen the likes of us. Dave said the look on the faces of these regulars was either shock, awe or both. We were drinkin' and dancing and mingling with the locals. One of us went careening across the dance floor resulting in what was described as "the world's longest fall". And it wasn't me!!!!! I was too busy struggling to keep my eyes open as being up cleaning at 4 am and then partying it up are not a wakey combination. At some point, we became acquainted with a person called "Cletus". One of my friends is a bit of fashionista. Although I'm sure that these folks would have considered us all to be such. Everything is relative. She decided it was her mission to give Cletus a makeover and started giving him advice. Braces, a haircut, pull your damn pants up, etc. Strangely, it was well received as Cletus declared her a "nice lady". We also met a couple that we assumed were married. Oh, they are, just not to each other. Errr.....okay! Didn't give them any advice as they seem to have it handled. Anyway, Dave said that the last thing the owner said as he was getting ready to leave was, "Make sure you bring them back next time". Maybe we can be like Snookie from Jersey Shore and get paid to make appearances at clubs. Or dive bars as the case may be. Call me. We'll tear it up.