That Tiny Car is Stupid

I was just out running errands.  It occurred to me while I was driving that tiny cars really bug me.  And my ire is directly proportionate to exactly how tiny the vehicle in question is.  I don't know exactly what it is.  Maybe it's that the drivers look so smug and self-satisfied and tree-huggy.  I like trees.  Trees are good.  I also like being able to transport something other than myself and one tiny friend.  I understand their function in densely populated urban areas.  We're in Colorado.  Wide open spaces.  Snow.  Many gigantic vehicles ready to go all roaring road devouring monster truck on your ass.  Admit it.  You're just showing off how eco-aware you are.  But you look like a tool.  And I can pretty much guarantee you that I wouldn't like you.  You probably wouldn't like me either but that's beside the point, Tiny Car.  You need to take that thing to Boulder. Maybe I have a problem with tiny things in general. I don't really like tiny dogs, either.  A dog should not be able to fit in your purse when fully grown.  It's an animal, not an accessory. In my book, a dog should be able to knock you over if the mood struck.  Oh, and run through fields without falling into a gopher hole.  I think if you're thinking "tiny dog" you should just get a cat.  Much less trouble if you can get past the judging. Tiny glasses?  Again......I don't like 'em. They don't make you look like a hipster, they make your head look huge.  Oh, and don't even get me started on "Tiny Town", which is this stupid-ass thing up the hill a bit from my house.  A bunch of tiny buildings surrounded by a tiny train.  "Oh, look at me!  I'm bigger than the bank!  Take a picture, Betty!!!!".  I just come from the mindset of bigger being better and I DO realize that is why other countries hate Americans.  Suck it, other countries.  I told Dave I bought the turkey this morning and he said, "Let me guess......it was the biggest one they had".  Ding, ding, ding!  We have a winner.