Opening Day

According to some of the Facebook posts I've seen from some of my friends, at least in Michigan it's the beginning of deer season.  It's always deer season in my backyard.  If anyone would care to come out to Colorado, I can save you the trouble of needing to sit in a blind, wear cammo or even use a rifle.  You could pour yourself a bloody and when you're good and ready,walk out my back door and strangle one with each arm without breaking a sweat.  If you're doing it for sport, I could let Grady out after them so they look up and consider moving 6 inches so that at least there is technically some "hunt" involved.  Actually, they really don't pay all that much attention to Grady anyway.  "Oh.....you......the little black kid".  At any given time, there is a minimum of six of these vile creatures back there and they've quite made themselves at home, which really bugs me for some reason.  It would surprise me not one bit if I looked out and there were a bunch of bucks sitting at the patio table playing poker and smoking cigars.  Maybe one of 'em grilling steaks.  "Hey......Bo......how do you want yours done?".  I know they're herbivores but that's probably because they didn't have a grill before.  What with this swanky new home they've commandeered (get it?  COMMANDEERED? hahahah), it's a red-meat-o-rama.  I guess what chafes me the most is the brazen nature of their take-over.  I'll go out there and they just look at me.  Excuse me, but is this not MY yard?  You don't even have the good graces to PRETEND that I'm frightening you?  Am I not a crazy lady? My antics have been known to scare the shit out of both children and GROWN men.  If I start drinking now, I should have worked up a lather and be foaming at the mouth by early this afternoon.  That'll show 'em.  Deer problem?  Solved.