Oh, It's On.......

I'm up and it's not quite 5 am.  So it's on.  The free for all is about to begin in earnest.  The 'rents are arriving today, so we're pretty much locked and loaded.  We're at the point of no return.  Guest room is all buttoned up......looking good....lotsa Kleenex as old people seem to go through Kleenex like nobody's business for some reason.  Bar fridge full of Diet Pepsi for my dad.  We have a shared addiction to Diet Cola.  My poison is Diet Coke, so never the twain shall meet.  At least there's no fighting over the last one as I'd rather drink swamp water than DP.  Dad said, "We're bringing lots of wine".  That's good, dad, but I don't think there is enough wine in the world for the week we have in store. I'm willing to try and find out though.  Fortunately, Tipsy's Liquor World is conveniently located 5 miles away.  I could walk there if necessary.  In a blinding snowstorm.  In the interest of full disclosure, I feel that I must say that I ADORE my parents.  They are actually very cool people.  Super fun to be with and they have been very, very good to us.  It's just that in situations like this, this situation being a holiday, my mom is like a spinning top.  You pull the string and she just starts going faster and faster, the pitch of her voice rising with each rotation.  You want to shoot her with a tranquilizer gun at times.  Can you get in trouble for that?  It's not like I'm going to have her tagged and relocated.  I just want her to chill.  I guess that's why God invented wine.  And vodka.  She calms down a bit if you can get her into the sauce.  I think it's just that she genuinely gets so excited to be with her family that she is almost like a puppy.  I know, 'cause I've got one of those too.  That should add to the excitement of the week....."Goobie!!!!! The dog has a sock!!!!!!  Is he supposed to have a sock???? Goobie!!!!!".  Anway, I think it's that she can't quite contain her enthusiasm.  Which is actually kind of cute.  I guess I should be flattered that our company is appreciated to that level.  Nobody loves you like your parents and that's pretty freakin' cool.  The judging?  Not so much. I guess if I popped out your body, I have no choice but to pretend to listen to the judging. I plan to judge Jack relentlessly as he popped out of MY body in a particularly rude fashion.  Maybe I'll start today.  I think they recommend taking out your frustration on your children.  And hurting them with your words. Alrighty, I've gotta bounce now because I need to reconfigure the "Drinking Code of Conduct" as it is officially amended during "Holiday Weeks".  Will report back on that one.