Saturday, June 19, 2010
Okay, so I'm at the pool yesterday hanging with the girls. Somehow the topic of Brazilian waxing came up. I've talked about this topic ad nauseum in this space. Bringing it up again under normal circumstances would be like beating a dead horse. Or a dead beaver as the case may be. A new twist has been added however!!!!! Yaaaaaayyyyy!!!!!! This friend of mine tells me that after you have had your lady bits stripped of what nature put there for some reason unknown to me, you can have it "vajazzled". That's right. Like a Bedazzler for your no longer bearded clam. This blows my mind. I almost fell off of my lounger. I had tears streaming down my face I was laughing so hard. Being in possession of an inquiring mind as well as an iPhone, I googled "vajazzling". Oh, there's video, people. I could have lived without seeing some chick having crystals hot-glued to her nether regions. *Boys......I know what you're doing.......you have left Deep Thoughts and are googling 'vajazzling'......you can't fool me......"* The larger question is WHY????? If I don't "get" the Brazilian thing, I sure as shit do not understand this form of embellishment. Call me crazy but don't guys pretty much like it down there WITHOUT FUCKING CRYSTALS ON IT?????? I've never had any official complaints lodged. Imagine that. From what I can see, I am in posession of a perfectly lovely vajayjay. It's done alright by me so far. But anyway, let's say one of these crystals becomes dislodged during carnal activity? Or is ingested? Or worse yet, what if one fell off in the middle of a cocktail party? I don't imagine that girls who get vajazzled wear underwear. I can see it now. Vajazzled female: "Oh my God!!!!! I just lost a crystal!!!!! Everybody look for it!!!!" You know, kinda like she lost a contact. And I really, really can't imagine the reaction of the "lucky" dude who is on the receiving end of this "surprise". I can hear it now......Woman: "Honey, wait 'til you see what I did!!!!" Man: "Neither can I, baby....." Woman (revealing her bad self): "Surprise!!!!!" Man: "It's so.....so.....sparkly????". 'Cause you know, nothing says "I love you" like a sparkly crotch. "Hello, waxing place? Do you vajazzle? I'm on my way".