Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Happy Birthday To ME
Today is my birthday. I'm forty three. Whoopdie-doo. While I'm not all that excited about getting older, as my dad says, "it's better than the alternative". Indeed. Having lost a couple of friends in the past year far too soon, I'm thinking I actually SHOULD be excited about getting older. So crank up the ass-shakin' music 'cause I am getting this party started. The day has actually gone pretty well so far. If facebook birthday wishes were cards, my mailbox would be full. Sooooooo many nice thoughts from every corner of the world made me feel pretty damn good. After checking out the cool sentiments from near and afar, the phone started ringing. Phone calls from two of my best friends, my brother and even Jack's best friend, texts from my sister-in-law and brother-in-law, and then the coupe de grace......the annual birthday call from my parents. Me: "Hello (even though I know it's them)". Mom: "Goobie!!!! Happy Birthday!!!! Bill! Pick up the phone." Dad gets on the extension. They start singing. It's not just your everyday "Happy Birthday to You". Oh noooooooo. We have this ridiculous song that has somehow evolved from one of those personalized 45's you could buy in the 70's. "Hey, Joe....it's your birthday.....". Only this one is sung by an alien. "My name is Zoom and I live on the moon and I came down to Earth just to sing you this tune......Hey MOLLIE, it's YOUR BIRTHDAY, TODAY!!!!". So, traditionally, my parents sing this to me. The best part is my dad doing it. My mom has been singing badly and mangling lyrics my entire life. And she's so darn cheerful about it. Hearing my dad do this, is almost heartbreakingly sweet. My dad is not the sort of guy that goes around singing stupid songs lightly. So that put a smile on my face. I then went to my training class and Pilates. Figured I've got to it in before my surgery next week. Well, not only was I greeted warmly by my friends and instructor, someone arranged to have the WORLD'S hottest man working out in the gym during our class. I was pretty sure that at some point the jig would be up and he would whip off his shorts and start gyrating around and sticking his birthday cake thong festooned crotch in my face. Which would have been just fine but I didn't bring any singles to the gym. There would be no "making it rain". Alas, he was not a birthday present. Just a hot dude working out. He did make conversation though, which caused my friend to suggest that I may need to be hosed down. So anyway, the gym was festive. Festively HOT, anyway. After that, I was taken to lunch at a really great Thai restaurant. Since then it's just been waiting around for everybody else to play. I ran into a couple of friends of mine in the country club parking lot and they threatened to take me out for a couple of beers. And I know Dave and my best friend (who refuses to allow me to name her here which is completely stupid because everybody knows who she is) have been running around frantically. Dave has been in and out a few times and has now officially confirmed that he is not in fact gay. He came home, having been completely befuddled at the party store with a selection of brown, green and white balloons. Dave: "It looks like a football field". The good news is that Brainer is safe as my gay BFF. Dave has inadvertently cleared his name. So that leads us up to now. I've cracked a bottle of cheap jug wine and am just waiting for fun to find me. Whistling a happy tune.