A) From Dave Christie: You won't be in pain anymore and I won't have to watch you walk like that. It's excruciating. Really. Uh.......try being the person it's excruciating to watch. Okay. Not my favorite submission.
B) From my friend Amy: People will have to bring you shit. Like food and booze. I like this better. People are going to have to be nice to me or face my considerable wrath. If I have to endure a MAJOR KNEE OPERATION you had better damn well believe that I am going to milk this thing for whatever it's worth. I want balloons. And flowers. And food and booze and company.
C) From my friends JPS and JNJ: You will get drugs. I believe this is my favorite. When I had Jack, I had a c-section. Reference the whole "splayed open like a halibut while lucid" thing. I was given a prescription for some sort of narcotic pain killer post-op. I decided that I didn't want to fill it as it didn't hurt that much. IDIOT!!!!! That was before my life unraveled to the point where no mind-numbing substance will be turned down. Knee pain be damned. It's the pain between my ears that needs some attention!!!!! I'm going to put on some Pink Floyd and check out.
Bottom line, I do believe that "C" is our winner. JPS and JNJ, you will get 8x10 glossies of my post-op knee. Aim, you can actually see the knee in person if you'd like, so consider that your consolation prize. Dave........oh, Dave.......I think that everyone that knows you feels sorry for what you're about to endure. You get the booby prize. No pun intended. An immobilized Mollie. That's a lot of energy to harness and keep still. And I might be extra pissy. My friend Aaron just shook his head and said, "Poor Dave". Hey, how 'bout "Poor Mollie"?????? I'm the one about to go under the knife. Damn.