Stick It

So more about rappers. Or wrappers as the case may be. I'm at Walgreen's yesterday 'cause I had to pick up some tape. I'm not sure if this has come across via the blogosphere, but I am not exactly a chatty person. Oh, I'm prolific with the writing but I'm not really one for idle chit-chat. And I don't want to talk with you at Walgreen's, particularly if I don't know you. Generally speaking, my "I am not an approachable person" demeanor works like a charm. There are crazy people in the world however, that cannot or will not read body language nor acknowledge the appearance of outright hostility. I'm standing there in a crowded aisle looking for the damn tape and I thought this woman next to me was talking to herself. Ohhhh, noooooo......she was talking to ME!!!!! Now, I may not LIKE to talk to people I don't know but as I was raised to not be an asshole, I will speak if spoken to. I may be surly but I'll respond. This woman wants to chat with me about the merits of buying a box that has pictures of Santa on it because then she won't have to wrap it. She can just stick a bow on it and voila!!!! Oh my. What do I think about this? Although I said it was a capital idea and bravo to her for being so quick thinking, I almost broke out in hives at the very thought. I will admit, I am a horrible, horrible wrapping snob. The thought of cheap wrapping paper makes me itchy and nervous and just the very sight of those press-on bows will cause me to go into full-on anaphylactic shock requiring an ambulance ride to the nearest ER. Now, I get that most people do not have the time to fuck around with presents like I do and I get that most people just don't care. I care. A LOT. To me, part of the excitement of giving a present is having it look really kick-ass and festive on the outside as well as being cool and thoughtful on the inside. The press-on bow treatment just looks like you gave up after coming home from a bad experience at Wal-Mart and just wanted the whole sorry episode to be over with so that you could go soak your bunions or something. I will admit that I have been known to place undesirable looking packages towards the back of the tree. Not because I don't appreciate the gift and love the giver but I just can't look at 'em. Plus they offend my artistically wrapped and arranged presents under the tree. They don't want to break out in a rash any more than I do. I know......I can feel the sticky bows being hurled at me from all over the world as we speak........I'll save 'em for Halloween and stick 'em all over myself. If asked what's up I'll just say I've been given a bad rap. Bwahahahahaaa........