Apples, Shmapples

In what may come as a complete shocker to some (okay, ALL) of you, I am the "Room Mother" for my son's class.  I think I've also mentioned that I'm on the board of the PTA. That's right. Me. I'm infiltrating the ranks in an attempt to advance my evil agenda. Well, not really. Having an evil agenda just sounds kinda good. Anyway, I was thinking that I need to get my ass in gear regarding teacher gifts. A couple of years ago I sent home a flyer and collected money from familes and bought the teacher a Visa gift card. I swear to God, she freakin' cried. People. These teachers do NOT need anything with apples. Anywhere. Ever. Unless it's their very first teaching job, they have drawers and boxes teeming with this shit. For all I know, they get together and have a big ol' hoo-ha of a bonfire and burn it all. I know I would. They also don't need anything that says, "#1 Teacher".  Oh boy. "Gee, thanks, Billy! A stupid little teddy bear holding an apple! I can pay my bills with this! All of my Christmas dreams have come true. NEXT." Having spent a fair amount of time in my child's classroom, I can only say that "underpaid and over-worked" is an "under-STATEMENT". They are working with our kids, some of whom are complete little shits (not mine of course....he's too busy drinking margaritas while locked in his room in an attempt to escape my verbal bitch slapping to be an ass-pain) for not a whole lot of money. And some of the parents? Go back and read my "Gifted and Talented" entry. Dealing with some of these idiots alone is a good argument for teacher-combat pay. Oh, I've seen it. I've nearly strangled some of 'em at PTA meetings, so I can't imagine sitting one on one with them. I'd have to go to my "happy place" to get through five-minutes worth of conference. And probably have a bottle of something in my desk drawer. And be pretty liberal with pouring it into my "Teachers Do it With Class" coffee mug. But that's just me. It's a pretty important gig these folks have. They clearly are not in it for the money but because they love kids. This, along with a plethora of quite offensive and obvious character flaws, is why I'm not a teacher. The very thought of home-schooling sends shivers up my spine. It's convulsion inducing, really. I can't even sit through homework without losing it. These people are mutha scratchin' saints. Give them MONEY. Oh, and get this.....some teacher friends of mine were asking for supplies in lieu of Christmas teacher appreciation gifts. Supplies. FOR YOUR CHILDREN. This is the kind of person that is attracted to this profession. They're good eggs. Go hug a teacher. And drop some green on their asses. They deserve it.