Ass Dan

Grady, Grady, Grady..........you've been so good lately!!!! To the point that we've remarked, "Who IS this dog?" Well, the honeymoon is over. That dog is not to be trusted. His reign of terror began on Thursday when I left him out (as I had been doing with a large degree of success) only to return to find that amongst the havoc he had wreaked was an envelope filled with receipts that I had needed to submit to my country club and the PTA so that I could be reimbursed for items purchased for each respective organization. Fortunately, the general manager of the club is a cool dude an seemed rather nonplussed by the whole dog spitty, mangled mess I presented to him. Not quite sure what the reaction of the PTA treasurer will be as we, uh.......got off on the wrong foot. To put it mildly. On Friday, Dave had to go to replace the three remote controls that Grady had essentially ingested. I'd like to see him poop THAT out. Actually, I would. Much better to be pooped out than surgically removed. The real clincher came on Friday night. Dave was playing a happy hour show downtown and Jack and I were at a neighbors. I sincerely thought that I had put anything that would look even vaguely attracted to Gradykins and moved it from reach. Well, we got home and he had eaten paper clips. And family photos. Oh, and THIRTY 100 MCG of SYNTHROID. That's right. My thyroid pills. I am in a full on panic, thinking he's ingested a lethal dose of medication. I'm hysterical (which is what is recommended in the parenting 101 manual when dealing with emergency situations that involve children and their pets), Jack is crying and saying, "He's gonna die" to which I responded, "I KNOW!!!!!". Dave is finally reached and calls the emergency vet. I had learned from the world wide web that hydrogen peroxide can induce vomiting. Before Dave got off of the phone with me to call the vet, he said "find the peroxide but do NOT do anything with it". I did something with it. Jack is holding his snout and wrenching his jaws open while I pour the peroxide down the hatch. Of course, this does NOT induce vomiting. Grady is just sitting wondering what the big to-do is about. After what seemed like the longest twenty minutes in the history of time, Dave called back and informed me that he would have to ingest 3 times more than he did for it to be life threatening. What a freaking idiot. We have started referring to him as "Ass Dan" after an character on SNL. I can't think of a more fitting name. 'Cause he really is an ass.