Down With the People

Due to good fortune not resultant of my own doing -- either knowing the right people or a series of frankly Forest Gumpian turns of events -- I have found myself on the right side of the velvet rope more often than not. If I weren't me, I'd be annoyed with me.  Hell, I AM me and sometimes I'm annoyed with me. Because my boyfriend (now husband) was "in the band", I was able to breeze past long lines at shows for the better part of my young adulthood and even now, I seem to find myself with the "good tickets" at events.  This was the situation last night, when my family attended the Phoenix Coytoes vs. Colorado Avalanche game at the "jobing.com" arena.  This of course begs the question, "what the fuck is 'jobing.com'?" The powers that be would be disappointed that I don't really give enough of a shit to find out. And it woudn't even be that hard. Anyway, we had good tickets.  Really good tickets. Better than a box in my mind 'cause I was able to enjoy the boys on the bench close up and in person. So close that I was able to make eye contact and gaze longlingly.  Okay......disturbingly.  A couple of even looked for more than a second. Probably thinking, "Who in the ASS is that slightly-off balanced looking cougar with her tongue lolling out of her mouth.....SECURITY!!!!!".  My mom kept saying, "GOOBIE!!!!! YOU'RE A MARRIED WOMAN!!!!"  As a wise sage once said, there's nothin' wrong with looking.  And look I did.  Anyway, not being all that familiar with this arena, we noticed that people were coming and going from an area near the bench and they were coming back with better looking beverages than the ones we were procuring from the vendors.  Strangely, it did not occur to me that most of the people coming and going were more attractive than your average Joe and some had lanyards hanging around their necks. Whatever, right? Right.  Mom and I decide to go on down.  We looked like we knew what we were doing which I have found is half the battle in most cases.  Confidence.  We encountered a security person but he was old.  I figured we'd have no problem.  The old stuff likes me.  So I had that going for me, or so I thought.  And mom is a pretty good lookin' broad, if I do say so myself.  We both flashed toothy grins and said, "HI!!!!".  He didn't really even look up.  He just said, "Wrist bands?" WHAT?????  I don't need no stinkin' wrist band!!!!!!  Uh......yes I did.  We had to take the walk of shame back to our seats, having made a bit of a spectacle of ourselves.  If I witnessed that little display happening to somebody else, I would have laughed my head off and thought, "What a couple of dumb asses......burn, SIZZLE, char".  God. I wanted to crawl under a rock.  And the karmic comeuppance continues............it can stop now.