Dear Grady, You Suck

Dear Grady,

As I said to our Deep Thoughts readers yesterday, I really didn't need the $170 I spent yesterday at the vet. We didn't just have to pay property taxes on two houses on Friday or anything. Oh wait! Yes we did! And I really loved the fact that because I was so worried about your sorry ass that I missed my Pilates class, could not go for my walk AND basically got nothing done. All. Day. Long. And can I tell you how great it was that in spite of the expensive x-rays you underwent, the vet could not determine if you had ingested a foreign body so sent you home with prescription dog food AND antibiotics? Those were cheap! And Jack was worried about you at school. He really doesn't need to concentrate on his school work.......it's second nature to him. I'm sure you enjoyed the fact that the entire family was fawning all over you last night because you still seemed so punk. Well, I'm glad because you are not getting fawned over for awhile. At least not by me. When you POOPED OUT A CREW SOCK this morning, I ceased to have any modicum of sympathy for your ass, figuratively or literally. Grady, most readers will know that you normally throw UP your socks as a matter of course. This time, it made its way through your digestive tract! I imagine that must have been uncomfortable at best! No wonder you looked so green. Little bastard. And lest our newer readers place the blame squarely on my shoulders, we DO make a concerted effort to make sure no socks are left within your puppy clutches. Well, boy.....it seems that you are a bit of a "sock detective". I don't know where you're getting them from but you're getting them. Clearly. Perhaps we should hire you out as a Puppy Private Dick. Bottom line (no pun intended), that was one expensive snack. Thanks a bunch, Grades. Keep up the good work.

Love,

Mom