Friday, August 6, 2010

Lady O' Leisure?

Well, it seems that I could not find time to post an entry yesterday in spite of my best intentions. No, there was no fire rolling down the mountain and threatening my very being. No pestilence either. Although I do think there is still a hamster loose in the house. So there's that. The fact is, I was busy. That's right. In spite of my husband's insistence that I "don't do anything" I was plenty busy doing "something" all day yesterday. So much so that I could not attend to my beloved "Deep Thoughts". Let's see.......I started out the day at the crack of six wherein I tidied up the kitchen, folded a load of laundry and watered my "farm". I'll tell ya about my farm later. That's another ball of wax entirely. I then proceeded to walk four miles. Four HILLY miles. Granted, I stopped at the halfway point (which happens to be my country club) to refill my water bottle. While there I did happen to end up chatting to a couple of girls I like that work there (word up Erica and Steph). I then huffed my way back up the hill (waving at golfers I know all the while......I should have been riding up main street sitting on the back of a convertible or something.....the "Miss Behaving" float) and was informed that I needed to have Jack at the pool by 10:15 to meet a friend. Uhhhhh.......okay, but I have a class that starts at 10:00. Whatever. Jack comes first. Race to get him ready and down there. Deposit child at pool. Tell pool manager I will hold him personally responsible if anything happens to my child on his watch. This was redundant as Jack's friend's nanny was watching them both. I threatened her too. Went off to Iron Women. Had ass kicked by 59-year old woman. Did 30 minutes on elliptical machine. Went to Pilates. Had ass kicked by same 59-year old woman. Limp into pool. Check on Jack. Jack is fine. Jack is so fine that I see the carnage of shit he's ordered from the cabana. I don't think these children are aware that THAT STUFF COSTS MONEY. Just because no cash is changing hands does not mean that we do not pay for it. Arrgh. Go home to change into swimsuit. Realize that I've got a bit of a problem. Shit. Can't go to the pool like that. Reference waxing blogs. Lettuce hanging out of the bun. Good God. Where's the Nair? Hot damn, that shit stinks. But it did the trick. Nice and tidy! Let Grady out. Decide to see what will happen if I LEAVE Grady out. Go down to pool. friends are there. Pop a squat on a lounger. "MOM!!!!!!! CAN YOU HAND ME THAT SQUIRT GUN????" Fine. Notice that Jack has acquired some "mystery goggles". The kid just finds stuff laying around the pool and pops 'em on. The other day, a friend of mine approached him and said, "Jack, you can wear those today but we need them back when you leave.....they're ours". I said, "Are you sure?" She's like, "Yeah, they say 'Brock' on the back". Oh dear. Klepto-Christie strikes again. Chat for a little and realize I should go home and check on Grady. Can't find Grady. Shit. Start shaking biscuit box around. Voila. Decide that I won't be able to relax if I'm worried about him. Put him in kennel as he's still inclined to destroy everything if left to his own devices. Like mother, like dog. Go back to pool. Am somehow manipulated into allowing Jack to have the friend he was with sleepover. I was not nuts about this plan as Dave was playing last night and I frankly did not want to be responsible for two kids. It went a little something like this: Jack: "Mom, can Nate sleepover?" Me: "No." Jack: "WHY???" Me: "Because Dad is not going to be home and I said so". Jack: *mumbles something inaudible but which conveyed his displeasure in shitty fashion* Me: "What did you just say to me?" Jack: "Nothing. That was a rimshot." Jack: "I'm going to be really bored if I can't have Nate sleep over". Me: "Fine". I am such a pushover. Have to run back up to clean up house. And to poop. Can't poop at the pool, now can you? Lifeguard: "Uhhhh......Mrs. Christie plugged up the toilet in the cabana bathroom.....AGAIN." Not going there. Go back down. Kids want to go back up to the house. Fine. Pack up the car. Drop them off as Dave is home. Go back down as my friends are still there. Chat for a little more and then go home. Discuss dinner. Determine that pizza is the call. In the meantime, Jack and his friend are invited over to a friend's house to play "kick the can". Okey-dokey. As the mother of the friend in question is also MY friend, I go down as well. That way we can eat HER pizza. SCORE!!!!! There were some other girls from the 'hood there sitting on her patio. Chat, chat, chat, laugh, laugh, laugh. This brings us to 9 pm wherein it was time to call it a night. Bring the boys home and they announce that they are going to have an all night video game marathon. Fine. Nighty-night. And I fell into bed. And THAT, dear readers, is a day in the life of a person who does nothing. Doing nothing is kinda exhausting. And now I get to do it all over again. Yipee. 

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