Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Prognosticator of Doom

While rooting around in my utensil drawer for the pizza cutter (I am rather OCD and will eat only Subway or a Lean Cuisine pizza for lunch) I came across a set of measuring spoons and was reminded of a story I meant to share but it got lost somewhere in the madness that is my life. Some of you may recall that I went to a wedding in Arizona last month. Great time, my boob popped out of my shirt, blah, blah, blah. A typical Friday night, right? So, the next day, the family of the bride hosted a brunch for the families. They had a girl there singing that was one of those, "dude, how are you not famous" types. Amazing but completely beside the point. The point is, we're sitting on the patio with the quite literally glowing bride and my mother-in-law (Mother Bradford to those of you in the know) says, "Oh, you look so happy.......you're in for a big let-down". We all about choked. And the poor bride got these huge eyes and had a look of general shock about her person. It's like, MB......WE all know that life becomes a living hell in the long-run of married life but part of being in the Secret Society is that YOU DON'T LET THE NEWBIES IN ON IT. Otherwise, we'd be a dying breed!!!!! It's the same reason I didn't watch the childbirth videos. I would have never had sex! There are certain things ya just don't talk about. So anyway, back to the utensils in question. The newlyweds gave us all these really cute little silver, heart-shaped measuring spoons as a favor. They say things like "a pinch of happiness" and "heaping spoonful of love". My brother-in-law Skippy and I took one look at them and almost fell out of the car as we were driving away.......they should say "a pinch of doom", "a heaping spoonful of resentment", "a dash of I hate you" and "a sprinkle of YOU RUINED MY LIFE". But that's okay. We'll let them be hopeful. Sssshhhhhhh.

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