Howdy, Folks!

Holy God........I last posted a "Deep Thought" on January 19th, 2011.  That was right about the time my very artfully crafted *CHOKING* world started falling apart.  And frankly, there really was nothin' too funny about it and I wasn't feeling particularly eager to share the details of what went down.  Let's just suffice to say that when a 23-year long relationship that involves a child ends, it is gut-wrenching.  Soul crushing, confusing, primal-scream inducing.......you get the picture.  The bottom line is that while I surely have had plenty a Deep Thought over the past year and some change (literally and figuratively), I'm not actually Mollie Christie anymore.  I gave the "Christie" part back to that guy.  It's McKennie now.  Mollie McKennie is a perfectly good name.  A rollicking kind of name really.  Or the name of some woman who's cow tips over a lantern and burns down Chicago.  Something like that.  *NOTE TO SELF* BUY COW.  I think I'd name it "Bossy".  And get it a bell.  Then I'd be "That Nice Divorced Lady With the Cow". But I digress.  Isn't it nice to have me back to digressing again?  Of course it is! It must mean I'm feeling much better.  Which I am.  WAY. Or maybe I'm just used to NOT being better.

I will say this:  when the proverbial shit hits the fan, you really DO find out who your friends are.  I had a set of parents and a few very close friends who literally held me together when I didn't think I could do it myself and who helped me realize that I in fact COULD.  There's some duct tape and glue involved but I'm still here.  Yay, me and yay, Mom and Dad and yay, faithful companions with both two legs and four.  

I'm not really sure what's going to happen to "Deep Thoughts" but I thought I would post something as I was (and remain) somewhat fascinated to look at the "Sitemeter" (a handy measuring tool for us blogging types) and find that people still read this stuff.  Amazin'.  Gots to go peeps........real estate to sell (we will have another blog about THAT with all kinds of handy tips and polite language and other fascinating information comin' at you hot fairly soon), cows to buy, etc., etc.

Bat Mom

In an attempt to engage with my eleven-year old son (ie. drag him away from X-Box and drag myself away from the wine) I suggested that we play a game while dinner was in the oven last night. Shockingly, he agreed. Most of you who read Deep Thoughts regularly are aware that the child is a bit of a........shall we say.......wiseacre? Okay, he's a smart-ass. Therefore I take most everything that comes out of his ever-lovin' mouth with a grain of salt and armed with my sarcasm shield. So as we're playing our lively game of dominoes, Jack says, "Hey Mom! Remember when I was little and our class went to the zoo and you got bitten by that bat?!" I was waiting for the punch line. No punch line was forthcoming. Me: (still suspicious) "Yes, Jack.......I remember now.......we were in the Bat House at the Denver Zoo. You know......where they let bats (mostly rabid) fly around????" It's a real kid crowdpleaser!!!!! And then that REALLY BIG ONE became insnared in my hair and then bit me on the neck and started sucking all of my blood out???? And I started running around screaming, 'GET IT OFF!!!!!! GET IT OFF!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THINGS HOLY GET THIS KILLER BAT OFF OF MY NECK!!!!!!!!'. And then they evacuated the zoo and the monkey's got loose and a bunch of people were trampled and they took me by Flight For Life to the hospital where I remained clinging to life for months????? That time????". Jack: "I guess I remembered it wrong". Dave (who was within earshot): "You drew two little dots on your neck and told him you were attacked by a bat at the zoo when he was in kindergarten". Oops. 

Free at Last!!!!!!!

As I have stated repeatedly, I LOVE me my Jacksta. Madly. That kid is gold. He was being a little punk yesterday when I informed him that NO he could not take $70 to the bowling alley so that he could play VIDEO games. Trust me, I do not bowl for my health. I bowl on rare occasion because the kiddies like it and yesterday was the last day of spring break and I thought something fun was in order. Good old family fun wherein the rest of the patrons look at you like you have a cucumber for a head. Apparently I don't "fit in". But that is not the point. The point is that SCHOOL HAS STARTED. And although I am not a Scientologist nor a Tom Cruise fan, as soon as I finish writing this entry, I am going to take of my pants but leave my socks on and start dancing around my house out of sheer and utter joy. Like having houseguests, school breaks last about three days too long. And in this case, when the rest of the world was slowly finding normal again, I still had two more days to go. Two more days of "I'm bored" and "Can so and so come over" and "I'm hungry". My most recent responses: Complaint A) "You have a home theatre in your bachelor pad.  And two Nintendo DS's. And an iPod Touch. And a Wii. And an XBox 360. Figure it out". Complaint B) "Of COURSE so and so can come over. ANYBODY can come over if you'll stop whining". And Complaint C) "THEN GET YOURSELF SOMETHING TO EAT!!!!!!!!".  Jesus, Mary and Joseph on a pony. So now, it's all good. And you can't get the smile off of my face. I'm going to actually do some WORK! And get my house restored to its normal state of disorder. And go into Jack's room with a hazmat suit and a blower. I'm not sure I want to know what's been going on in there for the past two weeks but I'm pretty certain it's not good. So to you all of you Mommies out there who like me finally have their domains back to themselves I say, "YEE-FREAKING HA!!!!!!!!!"  Let the New Year begin.  

Happy Poopy!!!!!!!

Ahhhhhh, December 31st........how I have longed for you and now you're here! You're finally here! This poop-crusted mess of a year is just about over. I will not bore you with the details of my trials and tribulations but as far as years go, this one can bite me. I believe I said something similar in this space LAST year at this time. Oh, I hadn't seen anything yet. 2010 trumped 2009. Congratulations, ASS MUNCH. I would simply like to ask 2011 to go a little easier on my delicate constitution. While I am grateful for the gift of the truly wonderful people I have in my life (seriously......a girl could not ASK for cooler or more supportive friends and family........you know who you are.........) I would genuinely like to have a year in which I feel as though I am able to breathe. Breathing is good! Deeeeeeep, cleansing breath.......breathe in, breathe out. I think that it's easier to accomplish shit when you do not feel like you are being strangled by a gorilla 95% of the time. 

That being said, I hope you kids all have a big, big time tonight. Be careful and don't do anything I wouldn't do. Although I'd do just about anything, so maybe you should exercise a bit more caution than that. In the words of my then three-year old cousin Ben (who was really saying a mouthful without knowing it) at the stroke of midnight many, many years ago, "HAPPPPPPYYYYYY POOOPPPYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!". Happy Poopy one and all! 

Drink the Deep Thoughts Kool-Aid

It's me again..........I just checked my little "Sitemeter" and I noticed that more people are outclicking on "subscribe to Deep Thoughts" which is WAY, WAY cool. If you aren't my facebook friend (and hell, friend me if you're not......I'm quite the friendly friendster) that's a good way to be alerted if I have some sudden burst of profundity. Which happens all the time. Or not. You can also become a "follower" which sounds very Jim Jones-esque but actually is not. No Kool-Aid here at Deep Thoughts! The only thing you're encouraged to drink around here is wine and tequila. And even then it's entirely up to you! So anyway, follow, share, subscribe, tell all your friends, blah, blah, blah.

Christmas '10

I know, I know.......it's been awhile since my last post. I have really been trying to be consistent but consistency is tough when you are in the middle of the swirling vortex that is Christmas. I was fine until last week. We had scaled everything WAY down. No cards, no gifts for everyone we had ever looked in the direction of, no hosting of parties. Everything seemed remarkably chill until the 20th when panic set in. I am a person who almost always has all gift procurement well underway shortly after Thanksgiving. I know myself well enough to know that "last minute" is not how I roll. I can't stand crowds and pushing and pulling. Hustle and bustle does not sound festive to me. It sounds like a hassle. Not only do I not hassle the Hoff, I do not do hassles. Hassles cause me to lose my shit. When I finally realized that I did not have gifts for my parents, or Dave or Jack's "biggie" not to mention stocking stuffers it was Monday. Oh, and I was sick. Not just sick but could not speak sick. Can I tell you how lovely it is to be braving the last minute Christmas crowds and not being able to speak above a whisper? Wait. It's not lovely at all. It pretty much sucks. And it also causes store clerks to state the obvious. "Wow! You lost your voice!" REALLY? No shit, Sherlock. I hadn't noticed. Eventually of course, it was all accomplished. We had a very nice, mellow holiday. Well, there WAS the fact that my brother had surgery on Wednesday and apparently nearly bled out. I think they might have had to get the paddles at one point. Okay, not really but it didn't go as planned. It would have been a better story if paddles were involved. It almost always is. Oh, and then my sister-in-law caught my cold. As she said, "Wow, this isn't really the 'This sucks but I can soldier on kinda cold', is it?" Nope. It's more of the "Weekend at Bernies prop myself up in a corner with sunglasses, some reindeer antlers and a cocktail" kinda cold. Oh and speaking of cocktails, did I mention that my parents decided that it would be festive to stop drinking over Christmas? They always pull that shit at THE most inopportune times. Um.....if ever there was an occasion TAILOR MADE for the aggressive consumption of alcohol, it is one in which you are confined to a house with your relatives for several days. BUT, in spite of all of the aforementioned difficulties, it was declared by Jack to be "THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER". And THAT, my friends, makes it all worth while. Hoping that you and yours enjoyed your holiday as much as Jack enjoyed his. I will be keeping you up to your eyeballs in Deep Thoughts as we slide into the New Year as I can finally once again think thoughts be they Deep or Shallow. Woo-hoo.  

Over Gifting

I'm pretty sure I wrote about this topic at this time last year, probably because it bugged me then just like it bugs me now. Let me first say that I really do like Christmas. Truly. I get that warm fuzzy feeling. Although that may be the wine. They DO say you should carry the Christmas spirit with you all year long. Not a problem here........thank you cheap jug wine! What I have really grown to resent is the expectation that you must come up with a gift for every person you have come into contact with EVER as well as their offspring and sometimes their parents and household staff where applicable. As we get older, this list gets longer and longer and more and more intimidating. Last year I finally put the brakes on it. It's not just a time sucker and financial drain, in most cases it is completely disingenuous. Buying a gift should be something you give with a happy heart and with the true spirit of generosity. When I'm finding myself buying a gift for a teenaged boy I have not seen in years that is probably going to simply grunt when he opens it and tosses it aside, I resent that. That's not the idea, I don't think. Most of my friends kids do not NEED anything. I'm sure they'll get plenty from their parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc. In all likelihood, TOO much. They don't need a $25 iTunes card from some random friend or their moms in Colorado. And then there are MY friends. I used to rack my brain trying to come up with something cute and clever for women who really DO have everything. And keep in mind that I do not really have a ton of CLOSE friends as I'm more a "keep to myself" kind of a gal. The blog notwithstanding. If I like you though, I like you a lot. I'm more about quality than quantity. So, it's not as though it would tax me to find something for the three or four girls that I would actually give a gift to. It's just become the principle of the thing. I would much rather give them a box of cookies and candy that I made to enjoy and share with their family than give them something they don't need because I am supposed to. I'd much rather do something nice for them during the year when they need help. Or if I see something that just screams out for them in June, then I'll buy it. I'd much rather get an unexpected cool gift than an expected one any day of the week. While all of this ridiculous consumption may be good for the economy, I think it erodes the true spirit of giving.  Bah humbug.